Why You?
by StevexBuckyx
Summary: Reddie. It's a normal day at school when a Eddie realises he's fallen for Richie. Will Richie feel the same? Neibolt events are canon. T for language and mature plot lines. trigger warnings at the beginning of each chapter
1. Chapter 1

Eddie stared at Richie from across the hall. Him and some other guy from his french class were joking around and play fighting. He was dressed in a tacky Hawaiian shirt, khaki shorts, canvas shoes and large coke bottle glasses. Eddie wasn't sure why he was staring. Maybe it was because he was mesmerised by the way Richie's messy hair would bounce off his forehead when he moved or how he found it cute when he threw his head back in laughter after a dumb joke he made. Wait, why'd he find it cute? He wasn't ever sure why he'd stare, but he couldn't stop.

"You're drooling," Mike smiled as he leant back against the lockers next to Eddie.

Eddie flinched and dropped his textbook. He quickly bent down to pick it up before standing up and shoving it in his locker.

"You scared the shit out of me and I was not drooling," he quickly retorted.  
"Uh huh, then what's this?" Mike bit his lip and smiled as he wiped drool from Eddie's chin.

Eddie slapped his hand away and Mike laughed.

"So you got a thing for Mr Tozier?"  
"Of course not. He's repulsive."  
"Is that why you were drooling then?"  
"I'm done with this conversation," Eddie pulled out another text book and slammed his locker shut, "I have to go get that dumbass over there. I have my next lesson with him and I'm not his bitchass skip again."  
"Uh huh, cya Eddie," Mike smiled as he walked off in the other direction.

Eddie leaned back against his lockers again. He admired the way Richie was smiling at him. The way the corner of his eyes crinkled made his heart throb. The image of Richie was getting closer. Wait, he was getting closer.

"Hey Eds!" Richie grinned as he snapped Eddie out of his day dreaming state.  
"Oh h-hey Rich."  
"Don't be so surprised to see me, you watched me walk over here."  
"Yeah right um," he cleared his throat, "you ready for history?"  
"Nah, I think I'm gonna-"

He noticed the way Eddie's face so subtly dropped when he began his sentence. History was the only class Eddie had with Richie. Every few days he asked the same thing and was usually good at hiding his disappointment, but today he just couldn't. Richie furrowed his brows for a second and changed his mind.

"Yeah, let's go."  
"Rich-"  
"I said, let's go, we don't wanna be late," he smiled as he headed towards their classroom.

Eddie quickly caught up to the trashmouth. He couldn't help, but smile. Richie was talking about nothing. He was kinda just ranting about his last few classes. Eddie wasn't really listening though. He was just using this as an excuse to stare at Richie again. The trashmouth was smiling and every time he turned his head to make sure Eddie was still there, his hair would bounce and Eddie still wasn't quite sure why he found it cute. Wait, he found him cute...again? When they got to class, they took their normal seats at the very back of the classroom.

"Nice to see you, Mr Tozier," Mr Dowling said as he walked in.  
"Wish I could say the same," Richie smiled as Eddie smacked him on the arm, "ow."

Mr Dowling ignored his comment and started teaching the class.

"Today we're starting our unit on Henry the VIII and his six wives."

Richie leant back and let his eyes drift to Eddie. The small boy was quickly taking notes of what Mr Dowling was saying. He had his eyebrows furrowed and his bottom lip caught between his teeth. Richie felt a smile spread across his face as the teachers talking became like a distant chatter.

Eddie put his hand up and got called on by the teacher. Richie watched his lips move as he spoke six words.

"Divorced, beheaded, died, divorced, beheaded, survived."  
"Correct!" Mr Dowling replied before continuing to teach.

Richie kept his eyes on Eddie's lips as they formed into a smile, causing Richie to smile harder. Eddie saw Richie smiling at him out the corner of his eye and turned to face him. Richie looked to the front of the classroom, sat up straight, pretended to be interested and started scribbling nonsense onto his book. A soft laugh escaped Eddie's lips and he could stop smiling for the rest of the lesson.

When Eddie got home later that night he didn't do his homework. Instead the trashmouth occupied his mind. His cute smile, coke bottle glasses and messy black hair was pictured in his mind as clear as day. Richie was staring at him during a class he went to purely because of him. The stare wasn't the typical cheeky stare he'd give others. It was soft and loving. Eddie just couldn't stop thinking about how he wanted Richie to look at him like that all the time. His mind then wandered to the conversation he had with a Mike. He was in fact staring at Richie while drooling. He thought he was cute...he-

"Shit," he uttered when the realisation hit him, "I'm in love with Richie Tozier."

(A/N) So that's the first chapter of my new reddie book. What do you think? 


	2. Chapter 2

Trigger warning: abuse and homophobia.

Eddie had both his hands placed either side of the sink basin. He stared at himself in the mirror.

"I'm not gay," tears rolled down his cheeks, "I'm not gay."

He wasn't gay. He couldn't be. His mom would go apeshit, he'd be disowned, maybe sent to an illegal conversion center, he'd get beaten by the bully's that replaced Henry, Belch, Patrick and Victor. He didn't want to think of the possibilities, but they wouldn't affect him anyway because he wasn't gay. He couldn't be, but Richie. Richie was gorgeous. The thought of him alone was enough to make Eddie's stomach swirl with butterflies and a smile involuntarily spread across his face. Eddie longed for Richie's lips to be pressed against his. The germs didn't even scare him anymore. Heck, Richie could have rabies and he'd still want to kiss him tenderly, not he wouldn't. He couldn't. They were just friends and he wasn't gay.

"I'm gay," he said softly.

He was about to leave the bathroom when Sonia around the corner.

"Eddie bear," Sonia spoke, "what's wrong?"  
"Oh, mommy," he quickly wiped tears that were rolling down his cheek, "what are you doing home?"  
"The pharmacy was closed, why are you crying?"  
"I am just really stressed about my homework."

Sonia put her big beefy hand in Eddie's shoulder. He didn't like it when his mom touched him, but he was never brave enough to wiggle out of her grasp. He took a deep breath and met her eyes.

"You know I don't like it when you lie to me."  
"I'm not lying, mommy."  
"Yes you are. Tell me what's wrong."  
"I'm not lying!"  
"Did you just raise your voice at me?"  
"I'm sorry, mommy."

Sonia tightened the grip on her sons shoulder to the point where it was hurting Eddie.

"You're hurting me, mommy, please stop," another tear fell down his cheek.  
"Not until you tell me why you're crying."  
"Fine. I think I might be gay."

Eddie couldn't believe that those words had so mindlessly fallen from his mouth. He tried to conjure up another sentence, but he just couldn't. Sonia shoved him backwards slightly and took her hand off him.

"Take your fucking pills," she spat as she exited the bathroom, "you're ill."

Eddie didn't take his pills. Instead he ran into his room and put his shoes on. He scrambled over to his window. He didn't even bother changing out his track pants and shirt or making a fake version of himself because Sonia was gonna catch him anyway. He climbed out the window and down the side of his house. He got on his bike and rode down the street as fast as he could. Next thing he knew, he was outside Bill's house. He slowly walked up to the door. He knocked and was met with Sharon Denbrough.

"Oh, Eddie! I wasn't expecting you," she furrowed her brows, "are you okay?"  
"Yeah, um is Bill here?"  
"He's in his room. You can come in."  
"Thank you."

Eddie walked in and Sharon closed the door behind him. Eddie slipped his shoes off and headed upstairs to Bill's room. He knocked on the door and Bill's voice emerged.

"C-c-come in."

Eddie walked in. He didn't realise his bad he looked until he saw himself in a mirror across the other side of Bill's room, His hair was a complete mess and his eyes were bloodshot.

"Bill," he choked out.  
"Eddie, wh-what happened?"

Bill got up and walked over to Eddie. He pulled him in to an embrace and felt Eddie sob against his chest.

"Hey, it's okay, it's okay," he said softly as he rubbed his hand along Eddie's back.

After Bill managed to calm him down, they sat across each other on his bed.

"D-d-do you want to t-t-talk about earlier?"  
"Yeah, I," Eddie looked down for a second before meeting Bill's eyes, "I realised something about myself that isn't normal and I accidentally told my mom."  
"Oh," Bill immediately understood, "I support y-y-you, Eddie."  
"That's not even the worst part."  
"There's nothing wr-wr-wrong with b-b-being gay."  
"No, but," a shaky breath fell from Eddie's lips.  
"Eddie?"

A tear rolled down his cheek as he stifled a sob. Eddie wiped it and took a deep breath.

"I'm in love with Richie."  
"I did n-n-not see that one c-c-coming."  
"And I don't even know why," he started crying again, "he's so stupid and repulsive, but so gorgeous and annoying, but sweet. How the fuck am I in love with his bitchass? I don't understand!"

Eddie buried his face in his hands and sobbed. Bill bit his bottom lip as he smiled.

"You know, I th-th-thought the same thing about Stanley."  
"What," Eddie looked up and sniffed.  
"No one a-a-apart from Mike and Beverly know, b-b-but Stan and I are t-t-together. I went to Mikes b-b-barn the same way y-you came here. I was upset about h-h-how he was so 'uptight and m-mean, but so relaxed and l-l-loving.'"  
"That's why you and Beverly broke up."  
"Yep."  
"How'd you work it out?"  
"Th-that's something you and Richie h-h-have to figure out y-y-yourselves."  
"I don't want him to know," his voice got smaller, "and I don't want to go home."  
"You can s-s-stay here f-f-for the rest of t-t-t-today and tonight."  
"Thanks, Bill," Eddie smiled at him softly.

(A/N): Okay this is trash. Hope you enjoyed it though :) 


	3. Chapter 3

Richie laid on his bed staring at the ceiling. He was completely dazed. The small ex-asthmatic was the only thing on his mind. He loved the way his chocolate-brown eyes almost twinkled when he looked at any of his friends. He loved the way his smile could light up any room. He loved the way his freckles made up small, but intricate constellations on his cheeks. He loved everything that made him him. He loved Eddie, more than a friend should and he realised this many years ago when he almost lost him to that clown. Richie longed for the day he felt Eddie's small and soft lips against his, he longed for the day Eddie would be his.

Richie smiled to himself as the thought of Eddie kissing him crossed his mind. He wanted to hold the brunette tight to his chest and whisper sweet nothings in his ear. He wanted to feel Eddie's warm breath against the crook of his neck as they drifted off to sleep together. He wanted Eddie to be with him all the time, but most of all he wanted his feelings to be normal. He wanted to be like Ben. Hopelessly in love with Beverly Marsh instead of Eddie Kaspbrak. Beverly was beautiful. Her short, luscious, ginger curls always hung loosely by her ears and it was gorgeous. Richie loved braiding it as much as he could as him and Beverly talked about their so-thought unrequited feelings for the people they both loved so much, but no matter what, Richie stayed in love with the asthmatic and could never sway his feeling to love someone he'd be allowed to marry.

Richie sighed and slipped on his glasses. He jumped out of bed, headed towards his wardrobe and grabbed a Hawaiian shirt, blue jeans and his canvas shoes. He threw them on, shoved his books and some lunch into his backpack, gave his mom a kiss, ran outside, hopped on his bike and headed off to school. He couldn't wait to see Eddie.

* * *

When he arrived in the halls, Richie immediately caught a glimpse of Eddie. His breath hitched and he admired the boy from afar. He was wearing those damn red booty shirts with the little rainbow which made his heart race. He hesitated before running up to the small ex-asthmatic.

"Heyo spaghettio," Richie smiled as he threw his arm around Eddie's shoulders.  
"Ugh," he rolled his eyes as he pushed Richie's arm off him, "don't call me that."  
"Oh you love it."  
"In your dreams."  
"The only person in my dreams Eds, is your mom."  
"Don't call me that and don't talk about my mom, it's disgusting."

Bill watched along with Mike and Stanley. Bill raised his eyebrow and half smirked at Eddie. Eddie shot him a glare causing the look to drop from his face. Richie noticed, but he didn't let it show on his face to avoid questions from the others.

"You guys wanna come over," Mike asked, changing the subject, "tonight for a sleepover? It's Friday so no school tomorrow and my grandfather will be out so we'll have the whole farm to ourselves."  
"Sounds g-g-good, Mikey," Bill smiled, "wh-wh-what about Ben and B-Bev?"  
"I asked them both earlier. They're coming."  
"I have track after school, but then I should be free," Eddie added.  
"What about you, Richie?" Stanley asked, "are you gonna grace us with your presence?" "Of course my dear Staniel," he goofily grinned, "right after I pick sweet Eds here, up from his track practice."  
"You don't have to wait for me," Eddie spoke in a small voice.  
"I know I don't, I want to and I do it every other week."

Eddie gave Richie a soft smile as if to say 'thank you'. Richie instinctively smiled back.

_He looks so fucking cute,_ Richie thought, _fuck, I love him._

"Are you two done gazing into each other's eyes?" Stanley half-smiled at the pair.  
"Shut it," Eddie snapped.

Bill shot another smirk at Eddie as he turned back to face the group. Eddie shot one back which made Bill look away. Richie still found it weird, but didn't dare say anything. The bell rang and the group all headed off to their respective classes.

* * *

Richie sat on the bleachers and watched Eddie warm up. He was dressed in his grey and blue gym uniform which was paired with some blue sneakers and white ankle socks. His brown hair was messy on top of his head and Richie found it absolutely adorable.

Coach Roberts called the whole team over. They had a small conversation that Richie couldn't make out, but afterwards they all ran to different lanes around the track. He watched as Eddie and the rest of the team crouched down to a running stance. Roberts blew the whistle and they all took off. Eddie got ahead quickly and soon there was a large gap between him and the other runners.

Richie looked in awe as Eddie's shirt pressed against his torso revealing his slight muscles. He felt himself begin drooling and quickly closed his mouth. Eddie slowed down around the middle of the loop so he could preserve his energy for the end of the lap. He gave the rest of his teammates false hope that they were going to be able to pass him. As Chris Yelms, the second fastest member on the team, caught up to Eddie, Eddie looked back and gave him a smirk before speeding up and crossing the line first.

Richie smiled as Eddie started laughing with Chris. He ran a hand through his now sweaty hair and smiled as the rest of the track team took him into a group hug. Richie watched as the boy he was in love with was given the appreciation he deserved. He knew Eddie never felt out of place at practices since he had outgrown his asthma and managed to avoid taking the placebos his mother stuffed him with.

When Eddie pulled away from the hug, he looked up at Richie sitting at the top of the bleachers. He waved with a giant smile on his face. Richie waved back as he watched Ollie, another track member, clap him on the shoulders and congratulate him for winning their practice race. He leant down on his knees and rested his face in his hands as his smile grew. He watched as Eddie fell on the floor and breathed heavily, still with a smile plastered on his face.

"Surely he has to know how gorgeous he is," Richie said under his breath.  
"Surely he has to know what?" Beverly smiled as she joined Richie on the bleachers.

She pressed a cigarette to her lips and took a puff before blowing out the smoke. Richie sat up and looked over at the red head beauty. She handed the cigarette to Richie and he replicated her movements then handed it back.

"You didn't answer my question, what does Eddie have to know?"  
"How gorgeous he is."  
"Cute," she giggled earning a light, friendly elbow from Richie, "so you like watching him workout?"  
"No, I like watching him happy. Do you ever see him this happy with us?"  
"I see him with a whole other type of happy when you talk to him, but of course you're always oblivious."  
"Don't give me false hope, Bevvie."  
"Hey!" Coach Roberts yelled from the track, "no smoking in school Miss Marsh!"  
"Sorry Coach!" Beverly called back as he dropped the cigarette to the floor and crushed it beneath her boots.

Eddie rolled his eyes and got back into his lane before he started running another race. His shirt did the same thing, revealing his slight muscular body. Richie's breath hitched as Beverly looked over at him, bit her lip and smiled.

"Oh you're so screwed, Tozier. You're in LOVE love."  
"Can you blame me though? Look how cute he is," he exclaimed as he gestured towards the race track.

Eddie had a look of concentration plastered on his face as he ran next to Chris. His hair was no longer flowing behind him. It now plastered to his forehead from all the sweat. Richie leant back down and replaced his chin back in his hands.

"Shouldn't you be at Mikes?"  
"Yeah, but to be honest I thought you had detention."  
"Why would I have detention?"  
"You may have good grades, but you never do your homework and you're disruptive."  
"Say what you want, I've been to detention twice."  
"Twice?"  
"You heard me."

Eddie, being the little shit he was, did the exact same thing as before, but this time letting himself fall behind Chris. When Chris was about to cross the line, Eddie sped up and crossed a split second before he did. Coach Roberts laughed and then told the team to start warming down. Eddie drunk half of his bottle before throwing it down and running his hand threw his sweaty hair again. He smiled up at Richie and he smiled back He then waved at Beverly and she waved back. Eddie joined the rest of the team and began warming down with them.

"He's so pretty," Richie half-groaned.

Beverly laughed. Richie gave her a sideways glance.

"As I said, you're in LOVE love."


	4. Chapter 4

After track practice, Beverly got a ride with Ben and the pair Beverly jokingly referred to as 'Reddie' swung by each of their homes to grab blankets, clothes and board games before they headed off to Mike's farm. As they drove, Richie tapped his fingers on the steering wheel in time with the music. Eddie smiled at the boy as he bobbed his head up and down to the music. The song ended and Richie's favourite song started playing. Richie whistled along, while Eddie tried to read the back of the CD cover.

"Can we skip this? I don't know it," Eddie spoke sheepishly.  
"You don't know Africa?" Richie exclaimed, "you'll love it! Keep listening."

Richie turned the music up. He began singing along to the song as a smile grew.

"I hear the drums echoing tonight," Richie sung in a deep voice, "but she hears only whispers of some quiet conversaaaaaaation."

Eddie laughed at him which made butterflies fill Richie's stomach. He always found Eddie's laugh beautiful.

"She's coming in twelve thirty flight, the moonlit wings reflect the stars that guide me towards salvaaaaaaation."  
"You're an idiot."  
"I stopped and old man along the way, hoping to find some old forgotten words or ancient melooooodies."

Eddie sighed and continued laughing,

"He turned to me as if to say, hurry boy it's waiting there for youuuu."

Richie dramatically tapped the steering wheel and bobbed his head with the beats in the music. He turned to face Eddie to sing the next few lines.

"It's gonna take a lot to drag me awayyyy from youuu!"  
"Keep your eyes on the road, Rich!"  
"There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever doooo!"  
"Richie!"  
"I bless the rains," he looked up jokingly before putting his eyes back on the road, "down in Africaaaaaaaa!"

Eddie had a wide smile and was gazing lovingly at Richie.

"It's gonna take some time to do the things we never haaaAAAaaad!"  
"You're actually in tune," Eddie smirked.  
"What's that supposed to mean?"  
"Oh nothing."

Richie rolled his eyes and continued singing, even if it was just the instrumental. He felt Eddie's eyes on him the whole time, but he only looked over when he sung the chorus. As the song came to a close, they had made it to the end of Mike's driveway which seemed to go on forever. Everyone was there already and waiting outside for the pair.

"Look what the cat dragged in," Stanley smirked as Richie got out the car.  
"You realise cats bring in gifts, Staniel," Richie winked.  
"You're so annoying."  
"Oh you love me."  
"Do not."  
"Do too."  
"Stop," Ben interrupted, "if you guys don't shut up, I'm gonna smack you both."  
"Violence isn't like you, Haystack."

Ben face palmed and walked towards the back of Richie's car. The group helped them carry everything Richie and Eddie had brought inside. They set up where they were gonna sleep and picked out the movies for the night. They all collectively decided on watching Nightmare on Elm's Street, which Mike wasn't too keen on because he had a really long driveway surrounded by thick woods, but he was eventually convinced.

After all this, they headed outside to the sheep pen. The second they got out there, Richie turned to Bill.

"Use your camera and film this."

When Bill turned it on, Richie ran straight over to one of the sheep and hugged it. The sheep wasn't expecting this and threw him backwards which caused Eddie, Stanley and Beverly to laugh so hard they were laying on the floor struggling to breathe. Ben was holding back his laughter as much as he could while Bill was shaking the camera as he was trying to suppress his laughter too.

"Grandad doesn't like it, but I name all of them. That one was Wendy," Mike smiled at his friends idiocy.

After Eddie, Stanley and Beverly managed to calm down, Mike took them over to a pen full of cows with a pen next to it with horses.

"Hey Richie, that looks like you," Stanley pointed to a cow in the far corner that had two dark patches circling it's eyes.  
"Don't disrespect Cowalski like that," Mike fake frowned.  
"Hey!" Richie exclaimed.  
"He's not wr-wr-wrong," Bill chimed in.  
"Don't back him up just because you two are married," Richie smirked earning a slap on the back of his head from Eddie, "ow."

Beverly and Ben were patting one of the smaller horses Mike had identified as Keely. Mike had said she wasn't actually a horse, she was a Shetland Pony so she was very small, but an adult. The pair had immediately fallen in love with Keely and didn't leave her side for the rest of the trip around Mike's farm.

The whole time, Mike was taking pictures of his friends with his polaroid camera and Bill was filming on his camera. Mike helped Stanley get on one of the larger horses named Woody. He guided Woody for a bit before letting Stanley ride it by himself. He did not enjoy it. He was screaming and asking for help while Bill was toppled over in laughter while still managing to film him.

"Mike, I swear to fucking god I will kill you!" He called out at Mike in pure fear which just made everyone laugh harder.

Woody was well trained and knew exactly what he was doing so Stanley didn't really need to do anything, but Mike didn't tell him that. He just sat back and laughed knowing that he was safe and Woody wasn't gonna hurt him.

"Pull the reins back!" Mike yelled.

Stanley listened and Woody stopped. Mike jogged over and helped him climb off the horse. Stanley stood there and gripped his arms just below his shoulders. After he regained his breath and composed himself, he slightly pushed Mike backwards which made him chuckle.

"What the fuck!"

Mike smiled and shrugged. Stanley continued to lay into Mike while he held back laughter. Richie and Eddie were in the small pen hidden behind the back of the farm that was filled with rabbits. Mike had let Richie take the polaroid camera with him. Eddie had a brown rabbit on his lap named Cocoa. Richie took a photo of him and put it in his pocket so it could develop.

"Let me hold him," Richie said, putting the camera aside.

Eddie lifted the rabbit and placed it on Richie's lap. Richie began patting him softly and Cocoa relaxed into him and closed his eyes. Eddie quickly grabbed the camera and took a photo of one of the rare moments were Richie was sincere, relaxed and smiling softly.

"Hey," Richie said, "don't show anyone that."  
"Uh huh, you don't want anyone to see you have emotions?"  
"Oh shut up," he turned his attention back to Cocoa, "he kinda looks like you."  
"What?"  
"Big eyes, brown hair, adorable."

Richie tensed slightly when he realised what he'd said. A smile spread across Eddie's face. He reached a hand across and pat Cocoa's head.

"Thanks, I guess."

_Good one,_ Richie thought to himself, _fuckin' idiot._

Richie and Eddie made eye contact. They felt their heads slowly moving closer to each other. Richie quickly glanced down at Eddie's pink lips. His mouth was parted slightly and Richie felt himself do the same. Their noses brushed each other's as Beverly burst in the pen. Eddie pushed himself back away from the trashmouth and Richie did the same causing Cocoa to become disturbed and jump off his lap.

"We are going to go down to...the quarry," her voice faded and her lips turned into a smirk, "what was going on in here." "Nothing," Richie blurted out, "and shut the gate, the rabbits are gonna escape."  
"Well get your shit, we're going soon."

She turned and walked out the pen closing the gate behind her. Richie looked over at Eddie with wide eyes to find Eddie was reciprocating the same look. The pair grabbed the polaroid picture Eddie had taken of Richie at the same time. Richie let go and allowed Eddie to shove it in his fanny pack.

"We should..."  
"Go," Eddie finished his sentence.  
"Yup."  
"Let's go."  
"Alright."

* * *

**(A/N): So idk what that was, but there was the first almost kiss. I hope you liked it!**


	5. Chapter 5

Eddie was crouched down by his backpack slowly unbuttoning his polo when he found his eyes glued to Richie's fingers as he hastily undid the buttons of his tacky Hawaiian shirt. When he got to the last button and started taking the shirt off his shoulders, Eddie's breath hitched and he quickly became flustered. As much as he didn't want to stare, Eddie couldn't pry his eyes away from Richie. Some part of him wanted to walk over, trace his chest with his fingers and kiss him softly, but the other part was telling him that he was crazy and needed help. Richie turned around to put his newly abandoned shirt in his backpack which revealed his slight back muscles. Before Eddie could take all of it in, he realised Bill was calling him.

"Eddie, Eddie, Eddie!"  
"Hmm?" He turned around to find all the losers staring at him.

Beverly winked and Eddie flushed bright red.

"Are y-y-you coming sw-swimming?"  
"Yeah, of course."  
"H-h-hurry up."

Eddie quickly took off his polo and shorts so he was in his boxers and joined his group of friends on the edge of the quarry cliff.

"Who's g-g-going first?"  
"I always do. It's like tradition, you don't have to ask," Beverly joked and smiled at Bill.

Beverly walked backwards a bit then proceeded to run and jumped off. She did a flip before landing perfectly in the water.

"What the fuck," Richie exclaimed as he walked up to the edge, "how is she always so fuckin' graceful?"  
"Beats me," Ben shrugged before jumping after Beverly.

Everyone jumped after, Bill and Stanley went together then Mike and then Eddie. They all waited at the bottom because Richie said he was gonna try and make a huge splash. Eddie let himself sink back into the water as Richie backed up to get a running start. A few moments later, Richie came plummeting down into the water. The splash was so big, he managed to get all the losers hair wet.

"I did it!" He called as he came back up from the water, "I actually made the biggest splash!"

Stanley swam over to the celebrating boy and gave him the biggest hi five. The pair then proceeded to swim over to the group and then begin going to their usual spot where they can touch the ground.

"Let's play chicken!" Ben called out.

Everyone agreed.

"Eddie, get on my shoulders," Beverly smiled, "you're small."  
"Wow, thanks," Eddie rolled his eyes, but still swam over to her.

Beverly bent down as far as she could with her head still above the water. Eddie jumped up on her shoulders. When Beverly stood, Eddie's torso was revealed fully. Richie looked over and immediately went red. The muscles he'd only seen through Eddie's shirt were now on show. His breath hitched and he had to force himself to turn away. When he turned, he found himself face to face with Stanley. A smirk spread across his friends face.

"He was staring at you too, you know."  
"Wh-what? I wasn't-" he let out quickly, but was cut off.  
"Don't deny it. I saw you looking. Also, he was watching you get undressed. You're not the only one crushing."

Richie glanced back over at Eddie behind him. His back muscles were flexing as he wrestled Bill. He turned back to face Stanley.

"We almost kissed."  
"You what?"  
"We almost kissed in the rabbit pen, Bev walked in and interrupted, but we were so close to each other."  
"Oh so you do like him."  
"Yeah," he looked down, "only Bev knows. I didn't tell her though, she figured it out."  
"Hey, look at me."

Richie looked up and was met with a smiling Stanley.

"What?"  
"Bill and I are together, I promise you're not alone in this. Your sexuality and identity isn't something you should be afraid of."  
"But, it's been years and I just can't shake my feelings...I don't know why," he felt tears threaten his eyes, but none came out, "but it's been five years and I can't stop loving him."  
"Rich, something tells me that he feels the same."  
"But he's not gay."  
"He was watching you undress."  
"Well who couldn't turn away from this gorgeous hunk of meat?" He cracked a goofy grin.

Before Stanley could reply, Mike came up behind Richie and clapped him on the shoulders.

"Eddie won against Bill in chicken, you're up trashmouth," he smiled.  
"Are you sure Ben can carry my weight?"  
"You're skinny as shit, come on."

He began to swim away.

"Fuck," Richie muttered.  
"You'll be fine."  
"Are you sure?"  
"Yup, you got this."

Richie took a deep breath and then turned to swim after Beverly. Richie got on his shoulders the same way Eddie got on Beverly's.

"You ready, Eddie Spaghetti."  
"You're on," he ignored the nickname and the rhyme.

Mike counted down from three and they began wrestling. The second Eddie came into contact with Richie, the trashmouth felt a jolt of electricity run through his whole body. His face began burning up, but he didn't let it distract him. Little did Richie know, Eddie felt almost the same thing. When he'd grabbed onto Richie's shoulders, butterflies filled his stomach and swirled around making it almost uncomfortable. The pair made eye contact and their grip on each other softened. Eddie smiled softly which made Richie reciprocate. Eddie admired the way you could see all of Richie's features when he wasn't wearing his coke bottle glasses. All his freckles were visible and he could see all the intricacies in his beautiful hazelnut eyes. Eddie's smile twisted into an evil grin as he pushed Richie backwards off of Ben's shoulders.

"Not cool," he remarked when he reappeared from the water.

After the losers got back from the quarry, they decided to play a few drinking games before sitting down and watching Nightmare on Elm's street. Truth or dare wasn't a traditional drinking game, but it was the losers favourite. Mike had got his grandfathers liquor out from the cupboard in his bedroom and a bunch of plastic shot glasses from the top cupboard in the kitchen for the losers to use. Everyone was sitting in a way that reflected their personalities well which was one of the main things that made them different from others. They were always relaxed with each other.

Richie always sat with one left folded and another placed over the top so he could hug his leg and rest his chin on his knee. Ben always sat cross legged, but would tend to lean on his left thigh. Eddie would sit with both legs close to his chest and he would rest his chin on his arms which were folded on top of his knees. Stanley would sit in a sort of second position where he would have one leg folded and the other out to the side. Beverly would have one leg out in front with the other folded beneath it so her outstretched leg rested on her foot while she would lean on her hands behind her. Bill would sit with his legs crossed, but a lot looser than normal so his legs were stretched out in front of him. Mike would always lay on his stomach, cross his legs behind him and rest his chin on a fist while his other hand was placed of the floor in front of him.

"Okay, everyone knows the rules. If you don't want to answer the truth or do the dare, you take two shots," Mike clarified, "who's going first?"  
"I will," Ben piped up, "truth or dare Bill?"  
"D-dare."  
"I dare you to lick the bottom of Stan's shoe."  
"Ew!" Eddie exclaimed.

Bill looked over at Stanley who was wide eyed and slightly smiling. Bill quickly grabbed his leg and licked the bottom of the converse sneaker. Stanley laid back as he broke into laughter. All the losers gasped and then laughed except Eddie who watched in disgust.

"I didn't think you'd actually do it!" Ben exclaimed through laughter.  
"I w-w-wasn't going to b-back down! I'm n-n-not a pussy!"  
"That was so gross!" Eddie called.  
"Wh-whatever," Bill smiled at him, "truth or d-dare, Bev?"  
"Truth."  
"What w-was your f-f-first impression of a-a-all of us."  
"Are we gonna go from just everyday or that summer?"  
"Th-that summer."  
"Okay, well Ben, I thought you were very nice and kind and I wasn't wrong."

Ben smiled at Beverly and blushed slightly, but she didn't notice as she had already moved on to the next person.

"Richie, not gonna lie, I thought you were gonna be the absolute worst, but I was wrong about that one."  
"I appreciate it, Bevvie."  
"I thought Stanny was rude, but you can't blame me. The first time I actually saw you was in the pharmacy with Bill and Eddie and I'm pretty sure the first thing you said was 'none of your business.' I thought Bill was very handsome and I still do, but not in that way anymore. I thought Eddie was annoying."  
"Hey!"  
"I don't anymore, it's okay. I thought Mikey was very kind and fun which I wasn't wrong about. Okay, truth or dare, Richie."  
"Dare!" He called out probably more excited than he should've.  
"I dare you to..." she extended the 'o' as she scanned the circle, she focused her eyes on Eddie for a second before smirking and turning back to Richie, "kiss Eddie."  
"What!" The pair both called out.  
"Absolutely not!" Richie glared at her.  
"He probably has fucking rabies!" Eddie yelled.  
"Hey! I'm not that bad!"

All the losers started laughing, including Beverly. Both Richie and Eddie went a deep shade of red. Richie reached over to the alcohol and pulled out a shot glass as the others booed. As much as he wanted to kiss Eddie, especially after they almost kissed in the rabbit pen, he didn't want to put Eddie in a position he obviously wasn't comfortable with. He poured himself a shot before throwing his head back and letting the liquid fall down his throat. He shook his head slightly before pouring another shot and doing the same.

"Get over it," Richie rolled his eyes before continuing the game.

Eddie was kind of disappointed Richie hadn't accepted the dare, but he was grateful at the same time. Since the rabbit pen incident, he'd been thinking about the fact that there's a slight chance that Richie could like him...or even love him too and the last thing he wanted was their first kiss to be during a game of truth and dare.

By the time the game had ended, Mike had done a backflip off his balcony, Stanley had managed to hold a handstand for twenty seconds (everyone was shocked because they didn't know his balance was that good and his core strength was that strong), Ben had to recite every lyric to A-Ha's 'Take on Me,' but in a very serious voice as if he was monologuing, Eddie had to tell everyone his most embarrassing moment which had taken place on his first days of middle school and Richie had to draw a photo of Beverly while blind folded.

After they had watched the movie and it was over, Richie went to get a glass of water from the kitchen.

"Hey," Eddie spoke from behind him.  
Richie flinched and turned around, "jesus Eds, you scared me."  
"Don't call me that and sorry."

Silence fell over the room for a second. Richie placed down his glass and began fiddling with the sleeve of his jacket.

"Can we talk about...about earlier," Eddie broke the quiet.  
"What about earlier?"  
"When we were in the rabbit pen...we..."

Eddie didn't have to finish his sentence for a Richie to realise what he was talking about,

"Oh, yeah, um we almost kissed...right, um."  
"Rich, did you mean it?"  
"Mean it...?"  
"Mean to almost kiss me? What would've happened in Bev didn't come in?"

Panic flooded Richie's body, he tried to conjure up a sentence, but nothing came out. His mouth just gaped and hung open as his eyes moved around frantically as if he'd see the answer laying around in the ground somewhere.

"Are you...are you gay?"  
"What, no," he was quick to respond with a lie, "it was just the heat of the moment, I'm sorry, I-"  
"Richie, it's okay."  
"It is?"  
"If you were, I wasn't going to judge. I just wanted to know."  
"Thanks, Eds. I'm sorry for putting you in that position I-"  
"Richie," he cut him off again, "it's okay, seriously."

Eddie didn't even stop Richie from using the nickname. He felt as if he'd been punched in the stomach and he didn't have enough power in him to deny the nickname he secretly loved so much. He hid his sadness well and gave Richie a smile that seemed genuine enough that Richie believed it and gave him one of his own. The trashmouth picked up his glass of water and walked out the kitchen unintentionally leaving a heartbroken Eddie standing there with teary eyes.

* * *

(A/N) A long chapter! I hope you enjoyed!


	6. Chapter 6

Eddie sat on Mike's porch alone. After everyone had fell asleep, he sneaked out with a blanket and sat on the swinging chair that overlooked the farm. He listened to the soft bleating from the sheep that cut through the silence. The cold air around him felt as if it was suffocating him as tears trickled down his cheeks.

"So stupid," he whispered to himself, "so fucking stupid."

He moved his hand out of the blanket to reveal the polaroid picture he'd taken of the boy who unintentionally broke his heart. His soft smile became more blurry as tears clouded his vision. Eddie closed his eyes and rested his head back on the seat behind him. As he shut them, a few more tears escaped from his ducts and fell down his cheeks. He let out a shaky breath that was visible from the cold air in an attempt to calm himself down.

The tiny bit of hope he'd had that Richie liked him back had been completely lost. He felt as if a part of him had been taken away in the kitchen. Eddie still wasn't completely comfortable with his sexuality and feelings, so there was minuscule feeling of relief, but this wasn't a factor that was strong enough to make it hurt any less. He wasn't even sure what would've happened if Richie did confess or if they'd actually kissed in the pen or during the game of truth or dare. He's not even sure if he wanted to know.

"Eddie?" A soft voice filled the still air, ripping Eddie out of his thoughts.

He quickly opened his eyes and moved the picture back under the blanket. He turned away from the person he hadn't identified yet and wiped his tears.

"Are y-you okay?"

Eddie turned to find Bill standing in the doorway. He didn't even hear the door open.

"Yeah," he lied, "just...couldn't sleep."

Bill walked over and sat down next to the small boy causing the chair to swing slightly.

"Why are you up?"  
"Stan fidgets wh-when he sleeps."

Eddie gripped the polaroid picture tighter in his hand. He's started to realise that Bill stutters less when talking to or about Stanley. He didn't want to burden Bill and drop all his feelings and worry on him when Bill was so happy and content with his sexuality. Eddie doesn't even understand why he's so upset about this. There was only ever the slightest chance Richie liked him too and he never fully believed it. Maybe he was just hoping too much.

"Did R-R-Richie do s-s-something?"  
"No...yes...I don't know," he felt defeated.

Bill was able to see right through Eddie. It was obvious he wasn't okay and he hadn't been since he went to get some food while Richie was in the kitchen. Eddie had been able to convince the others he was alright, but Bill wasn't buying it. The ex-asthmatic looked down for a second before making eye contact with his best friend.

"When we were going around Mike's farm, we almost kissed and when I wanted to talk to him about it he said it was a 'heat of the moment' sort of thing," he started playing with the inside of the blanket, "I don't know, I just thought, maybe there was a chance he could like me too."  
"I p-p-personally th-think he d-does."  
"Don't do this, Bill. Don't lie to me, he doesn't," he took his eyes away from Bill and looked down.  
"I'm n-not lying. Stan and I w-were talking ab-about it the other day. He's always n-n-n-nervous around y-you."

Eddie didn't reply and let what Bill was saying process in his mind.

"He m-makes more j-j-jokes and o-only really t-t-teases you."  
"Maybe he knows how I feel and he does it to taunt me," he spoke softly.

There was a long pause before Bill spoke again.

"Did y-you not s-s-see the way he s-softened while p-playing ch-chi-"  
"Hey fuckwits," Richie croaked as he rubbed his eyes, "you left the door open and it's cold as shit."

He wasn't wearing his glasses and looked gorgeous. Eddie's breath hitched as he turned away and looked down.

"You okay?" He asked, "I can't see who it is because I'm fuckin blind, but you looked away."  
"I-it's m-me and E-Eddie out here, R-R-Rich."  
"Oh, well-"  
"Richie! Close the fucking door!" Stanley yelled, "and get your ass and whoever is out there's back inside! Everyone is awake because it's cold as shit!"  
"Sire Staniel wants you guys inside."  
"Don't call me that!" He called again.

Bill and Eddie could almost feel Stanley's eyes roll.

"C-come on, E-Eddie."  
"Okay," he said in almost a whisper.

Eddie stood and wrapped the blanket around him tighter making sure there was no way the polaroid could be seen.

"Wait, Eddie," Richie spoke softly after he let Bill pass him "What," he sniffed.  
"What's wrong?"  
"E-Eddie, are you c-c-coming inside?"  
"In a second."  
"Okay."

Bill went inside and closed the door which left Eddie and Richie out on the porch. Eddie walked back over to the seat which caused Richie to follow him like a lost puppy. The pair sat down on the chair.

"Holy shit," Richie exclaimed, "I wasn't expecting this bitch to move."

Eddie let out a soft laugh before bringing his knees up to his chest.

"He laughs!"  
"Oh, you're an asshole," he couldn't help, but smile.  
"Yeah, but I cheered you up so it's all okay," Richie grinned back.

Eddie rolled his eyes, but still maintained his smile that was reserved only for the trashmouth.

"If you want to talk about what was wrong earlier, I'll listen, but if you don't want to it's fine."

Eddie looked over and make eye contact with a concerned Richie. His breath almost hitched, but he caught himself before it did. In the soft blue moonlight, Richie looked absolutely gorgeous. He had a perfect view of all of his features as his glasses were left inside. The longer he looked into his hazelnut eyes, the softer Richie's expression became. His eyebrows went from being furrowed to relaxed. His eyes became calmer and Eddie could've sworn he saw this pupils dilate as he blinked. His black eyelashes were a lot longer than Eddie remembered.

"A-are you cold," he asked breaking the eye contact.  
"Nah. To be honest, I only woke up because Bev shook me awake."

Eddie looked back at the boy. His eyes glanced down to Richie's pink lips. Richie noticed and smiled softly.

_Am I really thinking of kissing him right now?_ He thought, _fuck him, he's too pretty._

The pair began moving in closer to each other.

_It's happening again, jesus fucking christ,_ Eddie thought, _pull away, Eddie are you fucking crazy don't-_

Both of their eyes flicked shut as their noses brushed each other. Richie placed his hand on Eddie's cheek, he leant forwards to push their lips together, but Eddie turned away. His hand slipped from Eddie's cheek and his eyes flicked open to be met with the back of Eddie's head.

"Eds-"  
"Why does this keep happening?"  
"I...I don't..."  
"Goodnight, Richie."

Eddie stood up and walked inside, leaving Richie alone on the porch. Eddie was walking over to his heap of blankets and pillows when he glanced over at Stanley and Bill. Bill had his face buried in the crook of Stanley's neck and he could see the imprint of their legs tangled together under the blanket. They were both fast asleep.

"Only Bev and Mike know my ass," he muttered.

Eddie climbed into his own makeshift bed and gripped the polaroid tight to his chest. He closed his eyes and let sleep wash over him.

Richie sat out on the chair by himself for a few more minutes.

"Goodnight, Eddie," he whispered softly to himself.

* * *

(A/N): I'm so mean to y'all, oops sorry. Hope you enjoyed thought, this was kind of a filler.


	7. Chapter 7

(A/N): I sat down to write this and as I shuffled my music, Africa by Toto came on. Coincidence? I think not.

* * *

Eddie's eyes felt heavy as they flicked open. All the other losers had since abandoned the room leaving Eddie alone surrounded by blankets and pillows. He climbed out of his own bedding and headed towards the kitchen where he heard voices erupting from. As he walked in, everyone smiled and said some sort of variation of "good morning" to the boy.

"Morning," he smiled back.

Mike was over by the stove cooking some eggs and bacon while the others were surrounding the dining room table. Eddie opened his mouth to ask why no one was helping, but Ben cut him off.

"Before you say anything, we offered to help Mikey. He wouldn't accept it," he smiled.  
"Oh, okay."

Eddie rubbed his eyes and walked over to the group. He took one of the two empty seats at the table. When he opened his eyes and his vision cleared, he realised he's sat right next to Richie. The trashmouth gave him a soft, sad smile. Eddie attempted to give one back, but he couldn't force the corners of his mouth to move any further than a slight smile. He turned away and engaged in the conversation the others were having.

"What are we gonna do today?" Beverly asked.  
"We could go to the clubhouse," Stanley suggested.  
"I'm not wearing the shower cap," Richie piped up.  
"If you do get spiders in your hair like last time, it's a personal problem that we don't wanna hear about," Stanley retorted.  
"Oh, you wound me," he joked as he gripped his chest.  
"Clubhouse is a good idea," Mike spoke up, directing his words at Richie and Eddie, "at least if we go there we won't have to chase the rabbits after you two dumbasses left the pen open."  
"That was Bev that opened it," the pair called at the same time.

They looked over at each other and tried to hold in a laugh.

"Aw, how cute," Stanley taunted.

Richie kicked him under the table and shot him a glare. He put his hands up in fake surrender and leant back smiling. Bill elbowed him.

"What?" He asked quietly.

Bill tried to be stern, but just couldn't. He held back a laugh as a smile spread across his face. Stanley started laughing and the two couldn't stop. Bill toppled over in laughter and fell onto Stanley's lap which made the pair laugh even harder.

Eddie leant over to Richie and whispered, "aw, how cute."

Richie broke into laughter and leant back so far he almost fell backwards off the chair, but Beverly caught it in time and stood it back up. She began laughing and soon everyone joined in. Mike had to turn off the stove so he didn't burn the food. The whole time he was laughing, Eddie couldn't take his eyes off Richie. His ethereal features glowed in the morning sunlight. His hair bounced on his forehead as tears creeped from his crinkled cheeks as his laugh grew louder. It was almost as if Eddie was watching him in slow motion as the boy he was hopelessly in love with cried from laughter. Eddie forced himself to turn away as the laughter began to die out.

"Take what you want," Mike smiled as he threw down a large plate filled with eggs and bacon.

* * *

"Please...don't, Richie, Eddie. I'm begging you," Stanley pleaded.

Richie and Eddie smiled at each other as 'I Wanna Dance With Somebody' started playing on the radio. Everyone knew it was their song and it had been for years. No one actually knew why, but it was and they loved it. They sing it every single time it comes on no matter what mood they're in and Stanley hated it...or at least he claimed to.

"Clock strikes upon the hour and the sun behinds to fade," Richie began before dramatically jumping out of the hammock and turning to face Eddie.  
"Still enough time to figure out how to chase my blues away!" Eddie joined in.  
"I've done alright up to now, it's the light that shows me how!"  
"And when the night falls," Richie sung as he came face to face with Eddie, "loneliness calls."

Stanley physically cringed as they were terribly out of tune, but decided to sit back and suck it up.

"Ohhhhh I wanna dance with somebody!" They both sung together at the top of their lungs, "I wanna feel the heat with somebody, yeah I wanna dance with somebody, with somebody who loves me!"

As they continued to sing the song, they ran and danced around the clubhouse almost like a music video. At one point Richie was carrying him bridal style and spinning.

"Dont'tcha wanna dance, say you wanna dance, with somebody who loves me."

They ended in the same position they were when they started the chorus. Face to face. Eddie looked up at Richie and smiled. To Richie, Eddie was the only person in the room and everything around him blurred. He began leaning down and bringing his hand up to cup Eddie's face, but Stanley's voice pulled him out of his thoughts.

"Thank fuck that's over."

Bill and Stanley had taken up residency in the hammock once occupied by Richie and didn't look like they were moving any time soon. Richie quickly turned away from Eddie and walked over to a seat in the far corner. Eddie followed him and sat close to him.

"Rich," he spoke softly so no one else could hear, "I'm scared to go home."  
"Is this what was wrong, last night and why you were crying?"  
"Yeah," he lied, "I accidentally told my mom something and she didn't react too great. I also didn't tell her I was going out."  
"Do you want to tell me what you told her?"  
"No, I'm not ready for people to know yet. I just wanted to ask if I could come back to yours."  
"As much as I would love that, you can't avoid her. The longer you stay away, the more angry she's going to be."  
"She hits me."

Richie's heart fell and shattered. The boy he loved was being abused and he hadn't noticed?

"Every time she notices I'm not taking my pills or someone tells her I snuck out, she hits me, but not in places that are visible. If she's really angry, she'll use a belt," he looked down at his knees.  
"Why didn't you tell me sooner, Eds?"  
"I don't know, I guess I was just scared of being taken away and losing all of you and don't call me that."  
"You're never gonna lose me," he smiled as he grabbed Eddie's hand.

Eddie looked up at him and smiled. Richie's stomach filled with butterflies as heart slowly started rebuilding itself in the pit of his stomach.

"I hope not."

With the hand that wasn't encased in Richie's, he held out his pinkie finger.

"Promise?" He asked eagerly.  
"Promise."

He linked his finger with Eddie's as he used his other hand to squeezed Eddie's. When their hands dropped, Eddie began opening up again.

"Everyone in this room taught me that love wasn't hurting others. I didn't even know it was abuse until Bev told me about her dad. I thought my mom loved me. Sometimes I feel like no one loves me and I'll die alone because I'm insufferable and everything has to be clean and I-"  
"Eddie," Richie managed to cut him off without raising his voice, "you're not insufferable and people do love you. Everyone here does, I do. You are so loved, Eddie Kaspbrak and it hurts me that you can't see that. It doesn't matter what your mom says or does. Everyone here will be with you through it all, I promise."

He held out his pinkie finger for Eddie this time. Richie quickly caught Eddie's finger and linked them.

"You really means that?" He spoke so softly his voice almost cracked.  
"Of course, we're losers, we gotta stick together."  
"Thanks, Richie," he spoke quietly with a small smile.

Richie just wanted to scream 'I love Eddie Kaspbrak' and kiss him tenderly, but even if he could, he wouldn't with the others around and he wouldn't out of respect for Eddie. Instead he took both his hands away from the smaller boy and draped an arm around him. Eddie rested his head on Richie's shoulder and moved a bit closer to him. Eddie put his legs over the top of Richie's and wrapped his arms around his waist as much as he could. He closed his eyes and accidentally drifted off to sleep in the warmth of Richie's embrace.

"I love you, Eddie Kaspbrak," Richie whispered when he was sure he'd fallen asleep.

He then hugged him tighter, rested his head back and closed his eyes. Soon he drifted off too.

When the Richie woke up, Mike was standing in front of them with his polaroid camera taking pictures of the pair. Stanley and Bill had ditched the hammock and were standing around Mike. Beverly and Ben were in the back corner trying not to laugh.

"Hey, Eds," he said softly as he made circles on his arm with his fingers, "you gotta wake up now."

Eddie stirred and gripped Richie tighter.

"As much as I'm loving this," he said only for his ears, "you need to get up before I piss myself."

Richie signalled with his head for the others to look away and stop taking photos. They all understood and walked away, but not without winking at Richie causing him to roll his eyes.

"Do I have to go home?" He asked quietly.  
"No, you can come to mine."

The smile that spread across Eddie's face was the purest thing he'd ever seen and he hoped it was something he'd never forget.

"Thanks, Rich."

* * *

(A/N): Just a filler chapter, hope you liked the fluff :)


	8. Chapter 8

(A/N): I live in Australia and have no idea how American high schools work so I'm gonna write this based on the school I go to. Also, I'm pretending they were in their first year of high school during it (2017) and there are five years of high school where I am so it's 1994...take a shot every time I just wrote 'high school'...enjoy the chapter!

TW: Suicidal thoughts, mention of attempts and abuse.

* * *

"If you were in love with someone and you had no idea if they love you back, what would you do?"

Richie's words pierced Eddie's skin like a thousand knives.

"What if I told you I was?" Eddie spoke truthfully.

Both of the boys were laying on their backs on the carpet of Richie's bedroom floor. The smaller boy had his eyes plastered to the ceiling, so he couldn't see Richie's reaction, but he could feel the air tightening around his throat.

"Do you wanna tell me who?"  
"Not really, do you love someone?"  
"Yeah. I've loved the same person for years."  
"Do you wanna tell me who?"  
"No."

Richie turned his head and looked at Eddie. His side profile took his breath away instantly. He had to turn his attention back to ceiling to be able to breathe properly again. Eddie was completely oblivious to the trashmouth's body language.

"What do you think is going to happen after high school? We're halfway through senior year and the only one of the losers who has any idea for colleges is Stan," Eddie changed the subject.  
"I don't know, what do you want to be?"

Eddie didn't reply. Quite frankly, he had no idea. Thinking about the future scared him. Part of Eddie wanted to stay in high school forever with all his friends, but the other part wanted to get the fuck out of Derry and never return...but with Richie of course.

"I want to be a comedian," Richie pulled Eddie out of his thoughts when he realised he had no idea.  
"You can throw your life away on one condition."  
"And that is?"  
"Your stage name has gotta be 'Trashmouth Tozier.'"  
"Deal."  
"It's been five years since that summer and we have never talked about it."  
"You mean...with the clown?"  
"Yeah," Eddie's voice was small.

The summer of 1989 wasn't a popular subject within the losers. The only things that they ever talked about were the fond memories which caused them to bond. Stanley had tried to talk about everything that happened in Neibolt, but no one else wanted to. It hurt too much.

"It changed everyone and everything. I don't think I have ever been so scared, especially when I broke my arm. While you and Bill were trying to get in he was breathing on me and threatening to eat me. Part of me was hoping he would."  
"Eddie..."

Eddie squeezed his eyes shut trying to hold back tears.

"That was the summer I realised my mother was abusive. I didn't want to go home. I wanted to die," he admitted.

He blinked and tears escaped from the corner of his eyes. They fell down his temples and into his hair. Richie sat up. He stood and walked over to Eddie's legs. He separated them and sat in the space that had been freed them moved his legs so they were next to Eddie's waist. He grabbed Eddie's arms and pulled him to he was sitting up. He smiled at the boy and wiped his tears.

"That summer wasn't easy for any of us and I had no idea you were struggling with these thoughts of your own. You're literally the last person who deserves them. You are the strongest person I know."

Richie pulled Eddie into a hug and allowed him to bury his face into his shoulder. He began sobbing so Richie traced circles on his back with his finger tips.

"Wait," he choked out, "thoughts of my own? D-do you have bad thoughts?"

Eddie moved back out of the hug and searched for an answer in Richie's eyes.

"Yeah...I've tried before."  
"Tried?"  
"Tried to kill myself," he said quietly as he looked down.

Eddie used a finger to lift Richie's head so they made eye contact again. He moved his hand from underneath his chin to cup his cheek.

"When?"  
"Two years ago and three months ago...no one knows except mom, Stan and now you."  
"If you don't want to talk about it, it's fine, but why?"

Richie could tell Eddie was sincere and genuinely cared by the way he could see him trying to process the information. His eyebrows furrowed slightly as worry flooded his eyes masking whatever pain he was feeling. His fingers played with Richie's hair which seemed to be comforting. Richie leant into his touch as tears began stinging the back of his eyes.

"I came out to my dad two years ago. He didn't accept me and became more aggressive. I couldn't take it anymore. When mom called me for dinner and I didn't come down the stairs, she came in and found me with an empty bottle of pills in my hand. She kicked him out afterwards and I hadn't seen him until a few months ago. I ran away and if Stan wasn't at the quarry birdwatching, I would've succeeded in drowning myself."

The tears that were once threatening his eyes began to leak from his ducts. The ex-asthmatic moved his other hand to cup Richie's other cheek. Eddie tried to wipe them with his thumbs, but they just kept spilling out.

"Holy shit, I just came out to you," he sniffed, his face relaxed when he noticed Eddie wasn't phased, "you're not repulsed by me?"  
"If I was repulsed, would I still be friends with Stan and Bill? Would I still be holding you? You said I was the strongest person you knew, but Richie you are so much stronger. I can't even begin to imagine what any of that was like, but you got through it and I know you're still struggling...I can see it in your eyes."

Richie couldn't hold it in anymore. A sob fell from his lips before he could stop it. He completely broke down. His crying became erratic and soon his carpet was wet with tears.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make this about me," he managed between sobs.  
"Richie, it's okay," Eddie spoke softly as he slipped of Richie's glasses and placed them on the floor, "come here."

Eddie hugged him tight. Richie's arms slowly wrapped their arms around Eddie's back, but once they were there, he held him tighter than he'd ever held him before. His cries were loud and heavy. His throat tightened up and the sobs didn't flow out as easy as they did before.

"It's okay," Eddie whispered, "I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."

Eddie placed his hand on the back of Richie's head and began softly running his finger tips along his scalp. He wasn't sure how long he was holding him for and he didn't really mind. He just wanted him to know he was cared for and he felt the way Richie had made him feel. Richie let go of Eddie and pulled back. He picked up his glasses and slipped them on quickly so he could see Eddie's face clearly.

"I need to tell you something and it might ruin us."  
"Nothing could ruin us."  
"Promise?"  
"Promise."

Eddie could tell he was anxious and could feel his hands shaking against his waist as Richie's finger tips loosely hung onto his shirt. Richie's lip trembled as he looked down and took a deep breath. He looked into Eddie's eyes and his face relaxed. Eddie softly rubbed his thumb against Richie's cheek. He was still cupping his face and he could tell Richie had been longing for the touch so he didn't take his hands away.

"Are you sure because I don't want you to leave me," his breath hitched.  
"I said I'm not going anywhere...now what's up?"  
"You know how I said earlier that I had been in love with someone for years?"  
"Yeah."  
"Eddie," he hesitated before finishing his sentence, "that someone...is you."

When Eddie didn't pull away from him and his expression just simply softened, he continued.

"I know this makes you upset, but I need to tell you everything."  
"I'm listening."  
"When we were in Neibolt and Bev had stabbed whatever it fucking was with the fence pole and he was coming towards us, I was terrified, but not for me. I was scared of losing you. That's when I realised...I was in love with you and I know love is strong word, but Eds..I love you."

Eddie didn't reply. He was tongue tied and genuinely didn't know what to say.

"Eddie, say something."

A million thoughts were flooding Eddie's mind. _Do it, kiss him. Don't kiss him, he's lying. If he was lying, he wouldn't be sobbing. What if Maggie comes in? What if you're a bad kisser? What-_

His mind was silenced as he began leaning in towards Richie.

"Eddie," Richie whispered softly right before their lips met.

The second they connected, Richie immediately melted into the kiss and pressed his hand to Eddie's jawline. Nothing has ever felt so right for the pair. Their lips moved together rhythmically and as if they were meant to be pressed together. It was slow and passionate. It was everything they'd hope for. It was everything they had longed for. When Eddie pulled away for breath, Richie gave him a look of confusion. It quickly morphed into a soft smile. The smile grew larger the longer he looked at Eddie. He let out a breathy, happy sob. Eddie smiled at the boy who trying his hardest not to let out anymore tears.

"I love you too."  
"You do?"  
"Yes, Richie, I do...I love you so much."

Richie let out another happy sob as he pulled Eddie into a hug. Eddie felt him cry happy cries into his shoulder. Eddie smiled as he held the only person he'd ever wanted in his arms. Richie loved him too and that's all that mattered.

* * *

(A/N): This isn't the end, I promise!


	9. Chapter 9

TW: Mentions of abuse and attempted suicide, ptsd and homophobia Unedited, so there most likely will be typos.

* * *

_"Richie!" Stanley called from the top of the quarry cliff._

_Richie ignored him and sunk deeper into the water. He closed his eyes and felt the water fill his lungs. His body began thrashing in the water, but not by his own will. When the pain stopped he just felt light and weightless. Richie opened his eyes and saw nothing, but light shining through the water. He attempted a smile, but nothing happened. He closed his eyes again and started feeling himself drift off when two hands grabbed his shoulders._

_"Rich," Stanley cried, "wake up."_

_"Wake up."_

_Stanley's voice slowly turned to Eddie's_

_"Rich."_

_"Richie!"_

Richie pushed himself up against the backboard of his bed. He breathed heavily as tears began to fall from the corner of his eyes. He bought his knees up to his torso and pressed his hand over his chest as if he was feeling his lungs. He blinked quickly causing the tears to run down his cheeks quicker. He looked around trying to confirm he was in his bedroom and not the quarry. After this he set his eyes on Eddie to make sure it was him and not his best friend. His eyes were broken and it made Eddie's heart ache. Richie noticed and turned his attention to the wall in front of him.

"I-I-I'm so sorry for w-waking you up."

Eddie leant back against the backboard next to Richie. He placed his hand in his opposite cheek causing Richie to look back over at him.

"There's nothing to be sorry for," he smiled softly as he wiped the tears falling down his cheeks.

Eddie pressed his forehead against Richie's. He closed his eyes and listened to Richie's breath beginning to even out. Richie turned his body and kneeled so he was facing Eddie completely. He placed both his hands on his jawlines and softly traced circles on the back of Eddie's head. Their breathing synced and tears stopped falling down Richie's cheeks.

"I don't know how you do that," Richie chuckled softly, "but it always works."  
"Do you want to lay back down?"

Richie nodded slowly. The two moved back to under the blankets. Eddie couldn't help, but smile when Richie curled up against his side. The trashmouth placed his hand on Eddie's chest. The ex-asthmatic wrapped his arm around the boy and kissed his forehead.

"I love you," Richie whispered.  
"I love you too."

Eddie softly ran his finger tips along Richie's upper arm until he started snoring quietly. He watched him snooze peacefully for a few minutes until he felt his eyelids becoming heavy. They fluttered shut and soon he drifted off too.

* * *

"Wait, so what happened exactly?" Beverly asked.

Beverly, Stanley and Richie were all huddled around a table in the library during their lunch period. Richie had left notes in their lockers telling them to meet him there instead of the cafeteria.

"I told you everything, he came over to mine after we went to the clubhouse and we had like this deep ass conversation where we were jus' confessing shit. I told him I liked him and then he kissed me."  
"I don't believe it," Stanley replied, "surely he wouldn't kiss you first. I mean what was his reaction during the game of truth or dare?"  
"He said I have rabies," Richie moved his eyes so they were plastered on the table.  
"Exactly."  
"What happened after that?" Beverly asked.  
"His mom came looking for him on Sunday and we forget to tell my mom to lie so he went home."  
"Have you talked to him about it?"  
"No, we don't have any classes together today and our free periods are different. I'm also guessing he didn't want to because he didn't meet me by his locker like always."

Stanley and Beverly exchanged a worried look. The silence caused Richie to become confused and lift his gaze.

"What, what's wrong?"  
"Eddie wasn't in science this morning," Beverly admitted.  
"Or english."  
"What? He's not at school? He never misses school, maybe something happened with his mom," words fell out of his mouth at lightning speed as he stood up, "I have to go see if he's okay, I-"

Beverly grabbed his hand which ultimately stopped his rambling. She walked around the table and looked up at Richie. She held both of his hands tight, but comfortingly.

"Rich, I'm sure he's okay. Maybe he's sick."  
"I'm going to his house, now."  
"You can't miss school."  
"Why not? I have a 4.3 GPA average."  
"I'm sure he's just sick."  
"But he was fine yesterday, what if his mom did something?"  
"What?" Stanley asked as he walked to join them, "what's up with his mom?"  
"Nothing, forget I said anything."

Richie pulled his hands away and began walking out the library. Beverly and Stanley ran after him calling his name, but he didn't respond. He pushed open the doors and turned back to look at his friends. He mouthed 'I have to' before continuing out the door.

"Sonia is gonna literally throttle him," Stanley crossed him arms.  
"Him? I'm more worried about what she's done to Eds."

* * *

Eddie didn't come to the door, neither did Sonia. Richie ran around to the side of his house and began scaling the wall using a pipe and the cracks in the bricks. Eddie's window was cracked slightly which meant he had permission to go in. He lifted it up enough to be able to climb through. The curtains were drawn meaning he couldn't see inside, but he still pushed himself through. He fell onto the floor.

"Ah shit," he muttered.

He stood up and moved his eyes over to the bed.

"Eddie," Richie exclaimed as he stumbled backwards from shock, "what happened?"

Eddie's entire face was bruised and battered. His right knee was wrapped in a cast. He was laying on his back and there was a giant bruise and cut on his rib. His collarbone was also bruised and slightly raised. Eddie's left arm was also wrapped in a cast. His eyes were filled with tears and his lip was trembling.

Richie ran over and placed his hand on Eddie's cheek softly. Eddie flinched.

He quickly took his hand away, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you-"  
"You didn't hurt me, m-mommy did this. She pushed me down the stairs."  
"What...injuries?"  
"Shattered knee, punctured lung, broken arm, split eyebrow, swollen eye, my collarbone is out of place and my cheekbone is fractured," his voice shook as he held back tears, "I should be in the hospital, but mommy didn't let them keep me there, it's not like she's here though anyway. She went to the pharmacy. Guess she grew out of her Munchhausen's ."  
"Oh, Eds," he replaced his hand on his cheek, "I'm so sorry."  
"It's not your fault."  
"Yes, it is. I convinced you to stay over."  
"I'm glad you did," Eddie smiled sweetly, "I love you so much."  
"I love you so much more...can I kiss you?"  
"Of course."

Their eyes fluttered shut as Richie leant down and pressed his lips against Eddie's. They kissed slowly as the trashmouth rubbed his thumb on Eddie's uninjured cheek. Eddie buried his okay hand into Richie's curls as the kiss grew more passionate. Richie licked Eddie's lip slightly asking to be able to kiss him deeper and Eddie parted his mouth allowing him too. Their tongues explored every inch of each other's mouths. They were so lost in each other that they didn't hear a car pull up in the driveway, someone coming up the stairs and Eddie's bedroom door opening.

"Edward Kapsbrak!"

Richie stepped away from Eddie so fast he fell over backwards.

"M-mommy," Eddie stammered.

The poor boy, tried to push himself up, but ended up crying in pain and laying back down. Sonia began walking over to the bed, but Richie scrambled to his feet and ran in front of her.

_Stand down, Richie. What the fuck are you doing, just call the cops,_ Richie thought, _you're going to be punched, don't-_

"Stay away from him."  
"And why would I listen to you?"  
"You don't have to just please don't hurt him...again."  
"That doesn't even make sense. Move."  
"No."  
"I said, move."  
"I know what's you said, I'm. just not going to."

Sonia punched him and then pushed him to the floor. She continued over to the bed. Richie rubbed his cheek as he looked over to Eddie. He was unable to run away and move. Tears were forming in his eyes and they acted as a sort of mask to hide his fear.

"M-m-mommy...pl-please I'm sorry. It won't happen-"

He was cut off with a slap. He cried out and began sobbing.

"What did I tell you about being a faggot?"

Eddie couldn't speak, he was terrified. Shaky breaths fell from his lips as he tried to back down further into his bed. Richie ran out the door and down to the phone. His hands shook as he tried to press the buttons.

"Fuck," he muttered as he pressed the wrong button.

He lifted the phone, slammed it back down and started again.

"Nine, one, one," he spoke to himself.

Richie heard Eddie cry out from upstairs. He panicked and picked up the phone faster.

_Nine one one, what's your emergency?_  
"M-my friend is um getting hit by his mom right now and I didn't know what else to do, please help."  
_Where are you?_  
"Um, twenty acre avenue."  
_Police and ambulance are on there way, please stay on the line._  
"Thank you."  
_Make sure the front door is unlocked._

Richie placed the phone down, ran over to the front door and unlocked it.

"Done."

He waited anxiously as he covered his mouth. He had to as every time he heard Eddie whimper or start apologising a sob would fall from his mouth. The dispatcher would attempt to comfort him, but it was no help. He cried quietly into his shaky hand.

Police sirens filled the air and Sonia came sprinting down the stairs.

"What did you do, you little shit?"

Richie dropped his hand and looked at her with wide eyes.

"I told you not to hurt him," he choked out.

* * *

(A/N): Messy chapter and à cliff hanger, sorry


	10. Chapter 10

_**IMPORTANT!**_  
**(A/N): So I always intended this fic to end up with them as adults and I'm still planning on it. I hope you are okay with that... :) I really appreciate all the support this fic has gotten and I wanted all of you to know that I read every review and I appreciate them so much. Thank you for your feedback and kind words, I love you all! Now, on with the chapter..**

* * *

"I'm sorry for calling the cops," Richie spoke quietly, "I didn't know what else to do."  
"It's okay, thank you for doing something I was never brave enough to."

Sonia had been placed under arrest and taken down to the station. The ambulance told Eddie he needed to remain in hospital under supervision as he was under the age of 18. He was laying in a hospital bed and Richie was sitting next to him, discreetly holding his hand under the sheets.

"Do you know what's going to happen to you now?"  
"Well, I'm going to be in the hospital until I heal and I'm when I'm well enough, I will most likely go to a care home as none of my family are alive."  
"Like...an orphanage?"  
"Yeah, pretty much."  
"But there isn't one in Derry."  
"Richie..."

Eddie waited for him to understand. He knew he had when Richie looked away and tried to hide the fact his eyes were watering.

"How long until you go?" He managed as he remade eye contact.  
"My worst injury is probably my punctured lung and it will take around eight weeks to get better, but I will most likely be out of here before then."  
"Less than eight weeks? That means you won't graduate with us or go to prom and," his voice softened, "I might not see you again...you'll be gone." "It's going to be okay. When I'm eighteen, which is just after graduation and I will come back and the first thing I will do is find you."  
"There has to be something else that we can do to keep you here," he blinked and a tear fell down his cheek.

Richie quickly wiped it and gripped Eddie's hand tighter.

"Richie, this is how it has to be. We have four weeks minimum and I won't be at school. I'll be in here or in court testifying against my mom. We can try to make the most if it, but there's not much we can do."

Eddie noticed Richie holding back sobs as he tried to form his next sentence.

"What?" He asked, "this isn't goodbye."  
"Eddie," he exhaled shakily as his lip trembled, "we can't do this. If you move away and you find someone else I don't want you to feel like you can't be with them."  
"What are you trying to say?"  
"I love you so much and I have for years, but I can't do that to you. You deserve to be happy, even if you're not with me."  
"It'll only be a few months, you said I wouldn't lose you...you promised."  
"I am so sorry," he was now sobbing, "but you deserve a life away from here and you said it yourself that you'd come back, but I don't want you to come back to this shitty town where you get hurt for existing. You deserve a happy life and I don't think I can give that to you."  
"No."  
"No?"  
"You're not breaking up with me yet."  
"Don't make this harder...please."  
"Tomorrow. You can break up with me tomorrow."  
Richie sadly smiled, "okay."  
"Get in here."

Eddie moved over slightly and pushed the barrier of the bed down. Richie stood and climbed into the hospital bed with Eddie. He rested his head on the pillow next to Eddie and let the ex-asthmatic embrace him. Richie traced his finger tips along Eddie's collarbone. Eddie smiled at the soft touch and kissed Richie's forehead.

"We can try ya know...long distance," Eddie said.  
"What if you find someone else?" Richie spoke quietly.  
"You know that won't happen."  
"The thing is, is that I don't...neither do you and that's what scares me. I don't want you to find someone else and feel tied down by me."  
"I love you, Richie and that won't ever change."  
"I love you too," he almost whispered.

Richie trailed his finger tips from Eddie's collarbone up to his jawline. He cupped his cheek and traced his cuts and bruises.

"You're beautiful, Eds. I mean it. Even with the swollen eye."

Eddie smiled sweetly at him and held him tighter. Richie got as close to him as he could and let his eyes flutter shut. He quickly fell asleep and his grip on Eddie loosened. Eddie closed his eyes too and let his head tilt and rest on Richie's. Soon, he drifted off too.

Bill and Stanley had come to visit Eddie only to find them both sound asleep. Richie's glasses were pressed against his temple awkwardly and he was drooling on Eddie's hospital gown. When he'd fallen asleep, his hand had fallen from the ex-asthmatic jawline to his shoulder where it rested softly. Eddie had a small smile plastered to his face as he snored quietly. His head had remained resting on Richie's hair causing the locks to make small movements as he breathed in and out.

Both Bill and Stanley were shocked on how bruised and battered Eddie was. When they had first walked in, they barely recognised him. If it wasn't for Richie, they would've thought they were in the wrong room. Bill crept out and after about two minutes he came back with Mike's polaroid camera.

"Why did Mike have that?" Stanley whispered, making sure not to wake the boys up.  
"He c-carries it everywhere."

Bill took a photo of the two boys sleeping.

"Richie w-will p-probably want it," he told Stanley as he noticed his boyfriends confusion.  
"That's true. We should leave though, before they wake up."  
"Yeah and tell the others n-not to disturb th-th-them, but first..."

Bill trailed off as he took the photo that hadn't developed yet and placed it in the pocket of Richie's jumper. Stanley grabbed Bill's hand and pulled him out the room. As they walked out, a nurse walked past them and into Eddie's room.

She pulled back the curtain and saw the two boys sleeping. She smiled at them for a second before walking over to Richie and shaking him awake.

"Hmm," he groaned, "what?"  
"I'm Nurse Allen. Visiting hours are over," she spoke sweetly.  
"Oh," he rubbed his eyes as he sat up.

Richie went to kiss Eddie on the tip of his nose, but then stopped when he remembered the nurse was in there with them.

"I'm not looking," she winked.

Richie gave her a 'thank you' smile, then proceeded to lightly press his lips to the tip of Eddie's nose. When he pulled away, he noticed Eddie's smile grow which made his stomach fill with butterflies.

"Goodbye, Eds," he whispered.

He slowly got off the bed making sure to not disturb the boy. As Nurse Allen lead him out the room, he glanced back for a second to see Eddie sleepily burying himself into the pillow. Richie turned away and continued following the kind nurse. Richie knew this was probably the last time he'd see him and not feel heartbroken and he could physically feel the hurt already finding it's way to his stomach. When he made it out into the waiting room, he saw all of the losers.

"Hey," Beverly walked up to him, "are you okay? You look on edge."

Richie hadn't even realised until now, but his hands where shaking and frantically gripping the bottom of his sleeves. He felt tears begin stinging his eyes. His lip began trembling as he tried to stop the tears from flowing and his eyebrows kept softening and tensing. Beverly could obviously see how he was slowly coming undone in front of her as she pulled him into a hug without him even having to say anything. She hugged him tight as the trashmouth gripped the back of her hoodie.

"H-he's leaving," his words were choked out through heavy sobs so no one could even make out what he was saying, "and he probably isn't coming back."

None of the losers (except for Stanley) had seen him cry like this before. Streams of salty tears fell uncontrollably down his cheeks as he sniffed frantically trying to stop his snot falling from his nose. He reached over Beverly's shoulder and pulled his glasses off so he could comfortably bury his face in her shoulder. The others all formed a group hug around the two. Even though they couldn't understand him, they knew it had to be something really bad for him to be sobbing and not making any jokes. He whispered 'he's leaving' over and over again, but only Beverly could hear him. When she realised what he was saying, she hugged him tighter and tried to hold back her own tears.

"It's okay," she whispered back, "we'll be okay."

* * *

Everyday for the next four weeks, Richie came to visit Eddie. He would wait anxiously in class with eyes his glued to the clock. It would hit three and before the bell could even finish ringing, he'd be out the classroom and driving to the hospital. He couldn't bring himself to end it. He had lost all his courage from that day and would fold every time he tried. Richie had found the polaroid picture that had been left in his pocket. He had stuck it to the inside of his locker.

On Wednesday of week three, he came in to find crutches next to Eddie's bed. When he saw the trashmouth, Eddie's eyes lit up and he stood up on one leg. He put his arms in the crutches and came over to Richie who's mouth was hanging open in shock.

"You're...you're w-walking," he stuttered.  
"Yeah, they said I could as long as I didn't slouch or breathe differently."

Richie smiled and walked over to him. He met Eddie halfway and cupped his face. Richie kissed him on the forehead causing Eddie to try to repress a wide small.

"Like I said, you're the strongest person I know."

Eddie couldn't repress the smile anymore and felt his cheeks begin burning up. Richie ran his finger tips down the side of his face to rest his hand on Eddie's shoulder.

"Your bruises are almost gone," Richie smiled, "do you know when your court hearing is?"  
"Saturday, can you come with everyone else? I don't want to be there alone."  
"Of course, Eds...hey, um, sit down," Richie spoke nervously, "I have a surprise."  
"Should I be scared?"  
"Definitely not."  
"I'm not convinced, but alright."

Eddie began hobbling over to the bed.

"I swear to god, if it's a lap dance," Eddie joked.  
"Oh damn, you figured it out," Richie sarcastically remarked.

Eddie rolled his eyes and sat down on the bed.

"Okay, close your eyes."

Eddie obliged and fiddled with his hospital gown. Richie took a box out of his pocket and opened it. He pulled out a dog tag with the words "i wanna dance with somebody, with somebody who loves me 3' engraved on it. He hung the chain around Eddie's neck and took a deep breath before talking again.

"Open your eyes."

Eddie opened them and looked down at the dog tag hanging around his neck. He picked it up and read what was engraved. He smiled and looked up at Richie who had pulled a matching one out of his hoodie.

"Thank you," he grinned widely as he stood and threw himself into Richie's arms, "I love it."

* * *

Saturday rolled around faster than any of them were expecting. None of them had seen Eddie until he appeared at the doorway at the back of the courtroom. He used his crutches to walk down the middle of all the rows of seats to get to the chair where his lawyer had told him to sit. He anxiously fiddled with his hands and looked down. He hadn't made eye contact with anyone yet.

"Alright alright," Sonia's familiar voice filled the air and was followed by chains rattling.

She walked down where Eddie had mere minutes ago wearing an orange jumpsuit and silver hand cuffs. She sat down and scoffed when she looked over at Eddie. Sonia had flipped off Richie when she walked down, but he just mirrored her movements.

The judge walked in and everyone stood. He took his seat in the front of the room facing everyone and hit his hammer on the block.

"You may be seated."

Everyone sat and the judge began to speak again.

"I am Judge Erik and I will be hearing case nine hundred and seventy four and deciding whether Edward Kaspbrak will end up back in Sonia Kaspbraks care or if he'll reside in a group home in a near town."

Everything became a blur to both Eddie and Richie as the session went on. Eddie only zoned back in when his name was called.

"I'd like to call Edward Kaspbrak to the witness stand."

Eddie stood and used his crutches to walk over. His lawyer helped him into the stand and someone walked over with a bible. Eddie placed his okay hand on it and listened to the man speak.

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing, but the truth."  
"I swear."

He took the bible away and went back to where he was sitting.

"Eddie...that's what you like to be called isn't it?"  
"Yes."  
"Well, Eddie, could you please walk us through the events of what happened the night before this incident was called in?"  
"I was at my friend Richie's house after I had slept over at Mike's farm. Mommy came around looking for me because I didn't tell her I was going out. She took me home and...and when we g-got inside..." he quickly became flustered and choked up.  
"It's okay, take your time."  
"When we got inside she told me to go to my room, so I did, but she followed me up th-the stairs and when we were at the top," he looked down to avoid eye contact with anyone, "sh-she grabbed my shoulder and pushed me backwards. I f-fell and when...when she caught up with me...mommy grabbed my collar and...and sh-she..."

He trailed off and Richie felt his heart ache. Eddie had never actually told him anything apart from that Sonia pushed him down the stairs. Mike comfortingly grabbed his hand and squeezed it softly which reassured him.

"She punched me again and...again all over," he began crying as he relived the memory of that night, "and then I passed out. I w-woke up to h-hear her arguing with some doctors about keeping me at the hospital."  
"Is it possible she was just punishing you for being out so long?"  
"No...she has been doing this for years," he cried out, "when I turned fifteen she...she stopped giving me fake pills and started hitting me every time I made a mistake."  
"Could you walk us through the events of the night your friend called the police?"

Eddie looked up and over at Richie. He mouthed 'you can tell them everything' and smiled softly. Eddie smiled back and began recalling what happened.

"Richie had snuck in my window after I didn't go to school on Monday. It's a thing he'd been doing since we were ten and mom didn't let him come in the front door. He walked over to my bed and looked at all my injuries and then..." he looked at Richie again and he nodded, "we kissed."

The jury and all the other onlookers all gasped, but Eddie ignored them and continued speaking.

"Mommy came in, hit Richie and then came over to me. I couldn't...move because my injuries were so bad and I hadn't been taking the medication the hospital prescribed because mommy hid them. She just kept hitting me and busted m-my lip. Richie ran out and called the police."  
"No further questions, your honour," the defence attorney gave up and sat back with Sonia.  
"We will now give the jury time to come to a decision," the judge spoke.

Eddie's lawyer helped him walk back to his seat and sit down. After what felt like an eternity, one member of the jury stood.

"We find Sonia Kaspbrak guilty on all charges."

The judge nodded and made his final ruling.

"Thirty years in prison with no bail on the charges of child endangerment and domestic abuse to a minor. Edward Kaspbrak will be moved to St James home for troubled youth in Kennebunkport, Maine until his eighteenth birthday. He will leave tomorrow."

He hit his hammer down again and Eddie's eyes widened. He didn't know whether to feel relieved or terrified. He no longer had a legal guardian and he was leaving. Police escorted Sonia out as she cried in protest. Eddie stood and thanked his lawyer. He hobbled with his crutches over to where his friends were. Richie was the first to pull him into a hug. Eddie dropped his crutches and stood on his good leg as he gripped Richie's waist tight. They both sobbed as the other losers watched awkwardly.

"You're going to be safe now," Richie sobbed out, "you're going to be okay."  
"I'm actually leaving," Eddie cried.

When Richie didn't respond and he just hugged him tighter, the others joined the hug. Eddie was actually leaving and there was nothing none of them could do to prevent it.

* * *

**(A/N): messy chapter, hope you enjoyed though!**

**If there is anything you'd like for them sahkng goodbye to each other, I'm open for requests!**


	11. Chapter 11

Drinking game for this chapter; take a shot every time you see the word 'miss'  
TW: homophobic slur, homophobia and abuse mentioned

* * *

"I guess this is it," Eddie sadly smiled.

Some creepy guy who was sent by the group home to pick him up had let Eddie say his final goodbye's to his friends, but the person Eddie wanted to say goodbye to the most wasn't there.

"I g-guess it is," Bill was crying.

Eddie embraced him the best he could while still holding his crutches.

"Thank you for always being there with me," Eddie whispered only for Bill's ears.  
"Th-thank you for b-being my fr-friend when no one el-el-else would."

Bill pulled away, sniffed, wiped his tears and let Eddie move on to the next person. Ben was standing there hiding his sadness with a smile.

"Thanks for fixing me up that one time," he joked.  
"I'm gonna miss you, Ben."

They hugged for a short moment before Eddie pulled away and was smothered by Beverly.

"I'm going to miss you, you crackhead," Beverly cried.  
"I'm going to miss you too, Bev."

Beverly gave him a friendly kiss on his cheek and Eddie dropped his crutches and hugged her tighter

"Thank you, Bev...thank you for helping me realise how bad my mom is," Eddie cried into her shoulder, "I don't think I can thank you enough."  
"I'm just glad you're safe now."

They pulled away and Eddie turned to Mike. Neither of them had to even say anything. Mike just threw him self into Eddie's arms and hugged him tight. Mike didn't know what to say and neither did Eddie. Eddie was always the most willing to help a mike with farm work so they spent quite a lot of time together. They both weren't sure on the right words. They pulled away from their hug and smiled sadly.

"Thank you, Mike, you're the best."  
"I'm miss you already."  
"Edward," the creepy man called, "wrap it up, they want us there by one thirty."  
"Okay, one more goodbye."  
Eddie turned to Stanley, "I'm going to miss you, Stan the man."  
"Get in here," Stanley smiled sadly as he hugged Eddie.

Eddie hugged him back and closed his eyes.

"Do you know where a Richie is?" He whispered.  
"No, I'm so sorry, Eddie," he whispered back.

They pulled away from each other and Eddie bent down to pick up his crutches. The creepy guy came up behind Eddie and placed his hand on his shoulder softly.

"We have to go."  
"Okay," Eddie looked down for a second, "goodbye guys."

Everyone said their own version of goodbye. Eddie turned around and began walking away from his friends. He was hurt that Richie wasn't there and he'd given up all hope of seeing him again. A tear fell down his cheek. He was about to get in the car when he heard Richie's voice fill he air.

"Eddie!"

Eddie turned around to see the trashmouth...his trashmouth standing with his friends with tears eyes.

"Richie!" Eddie called as he went running back towards his friends as fast as he could on crutches.

Tears fell down Richie's cheeks as he ran towards the boy. They met halfway and their lips immediately joined as if they were in a movie. Neither of them cared that anyone could see, they were in love and didn't care about what anyone had to say. Eddie dropped his crutches and bought his hands up to grip Richie's hair. Richie cupped Eddie's face and subconsciously wiped the tears falling from the smaller boys eyes. Their kiss was slow and passionate. They kissed as if it was the last time they ever would because, they thought it was. When they had to pull away for air, they rested their foreheads together and slowly moved their hands so they were holding each other's jawlines.

"This isn't goodbye," Richie cried, "it's just...see you soon."  
"Yeah, I will come back and I will find you," Eddie choked out," I promise."  
"I love you, Eddie Kaspbrak."  
"I love you too, Richie Tozier."

They kissed one last time before Eddie stepped back and picked up his crutches.

"See you soon, Rich."  
"See you soon, Eds."  
"Fairy boy," the creepy guy yelled, "let's go."  
"I'm coming, jesus fucking christ."

* * *

As Eddie sat in the back of the creepy guys car, he held onto the dog tag tight and recalled the memory of why the song lyrics that were engraved were so important to him. Afica by Toto (the song Richie had shown him on the way to Mikes) blasted in his headphones as he kept replaying the tape in his walkman.

_"Do it, Richie!" Beverly egged him on, "you won't, no balls!_

_Summer the year after It, they had spent most of it at Mike's farm. Richie crawled into the big tractor wheel and held on._

_"Of course I'll do it, Ringwald!" Richie called back, "I have the biggest balls here! Push me!"_

_Everyone rolled their eyes and pushed the wheel down the hill expecting it to roll a bit and fall to the side._

_"Oh, I didn't tell you," Mike smiled, "tractor wheels don't fall."_  
_"Oh no," Stanley laughed and covered his mouth._

_Richie's laughter soon turned to screams as it kept rolling._

_"Guys!" Richie yelled, "help!"_

_Everyone was toppled over in laughter. Eddie laughed so hard he gave himself an asthma attack and had to take a few puffs from his inhaler. The wheel made it to the end of the hill and went into the fence at the bottom. Richie climbed out and vomited. They heard him yell 'oh shit' which broke through the laughter. Everyone looked down to see Richie's arm bent the wrong way._

_"What the fuck, holy shit!" Richie cried as he gripped his arm, "why the fuck is my fucking arm bending like that! This bitch is doing the fucking hokey pokey!"_

_Everyone ran down the hill to help Richie with his arm. Eddie made a makeshift sling out of a bandage he had in his fanny pack. They called the ambulance and waited for them to arrive._

_When they did get there, Eddie volunteered to ride with Richie to the hospital so he wasn't alone._

_"No regrets," Richie grinned as he climbed in the back of the truck._

_As they were sitting there, one of the paramedics had come over to distract them from Richie's arm._

_"So" she sat down across from the boys, "have you two heard Whitney Houston's new song?"_  
_"No," Richie raised an eyebrow, "why would we listen to Whitney Houston?"_  
_"Don't be rude, Rich."_  
_"It's okay," the nurse smiled, "he's on a lot of painkillers."_

_The nurse handed the earphones to Richie and Eddie. They turned the earphones out and pressed them to their ears. Eddie hit play on the tape._

As Eddie got further and further away from Derry, the memory became harder and harder to see clearly. The faces and names became foggier by the second. The only thing that stayed prominent were the feeling he felt during the memory. The feeling of butterflies and aching heart from the memory was strong. Eddie wondered how he hadn't figured out he loved him earlier. He switched his tapes thinking that the actual song would help him remember, but it was no use. Eventually he gave up, not realising it would be the last time he'd remember anything from Derry for years to come.

Soon, Eddie made it to St James Home for Troubled Boys. He wasn't sure why he was sent there because he wasn't troubled...at least he didn't think so. The creepy guy, who's name he still didn't know, let him out the car and handed him his bag he'd packed some of his clothes and one of Richie's shirts in. He followed the man into the large building. A kind looking woman was waiting for him in the first hallway.

"Good afternoon, Mrs Spader," the creepy man shook her hand, "here is Edward Kaspbrak."  
"Thank you, Mr Ellingham," the woman smiled.

The creepy man, Mr Ellingham, nodded and walked away down a long corridor. His foot steps echoed eerily which made Eddie slightly more uncomfortable than he already was.

"Hello, Edward. I'm Mrs Spader, I'm in charge here," she turned her attention to Eddie.  
"It's Eddie," he mumbled.

Eddie decided that looks could be deceiving as he already disliked Mrs Spader very much.

"Well, Eddie," she raised an eyebrow as she picked up a red wrist band with a pink triangle on it, "here is your wristband. You must wear it at all times."  
"What's it for?"  
"I wish I could give you the tour of your home for the next few months," she ignored him, "but when there's a new student there is paperwork."  
"Oh...okay."  
"But your roommate here," she walked over to a door with her name on it, "will show you around."

She opened the door and a boy with short blond curly hair walked out while fiddling with the bottom of his sleeves of what looked like a uniform. He was wearing he same wristband as Eddie. Mrs Spader smiled before walking into what Eddie assumed was an office and closing the door.

"I-I'm Connor," the boy held out his hand.  
"Eddie," he replied as he shook his hand.  
"You're wondering about the wrist band, aren't you?"  
"Um yeah...she ignored me when I asked."

Connor nodded and began walking away from the door. Eddie followed him. Connor kept looking back at the door and when he deemed far enough away, he started talking again.

"Yeah she did that to everyone here. It shows what type of treatment you get."  
"Treatment? I thought this place was like an orphanage."  
"That's what the public and the court think too. Boys get sent here if something happened to their parents and instead of helping them they try and cure what they think is wrong with them. There are different wristbands for different treatments."  
"What's this one?" Eddie's voice shook as fear rushed over his body.  
"Well the pink triangle is the nazi symbol for the gay community. Do you wanna take a wild guess?"

Eddie froze in place. He anxiously grabbed his dog tag and gripped it tight.

"Conversion therapy?"

Connor only nodded as if the words gave him flashbacks and it hurts too much to talk.

"I've only ever heard my mom talking about that, I didn't realise it actually happened," he began rambling.  
"I'm so sorry, Eddie."  
"Does it work?"  
"No, of course not, but I will tell you that if your someone special got you that dog tag, you better hide it."  
"What will happen if I don't?"  
"Don't risk it. I'm not even supposed to tell you about the wrist band. Just don't resist what they do...it'll only hurt more."

* * *

Nothing felt the same after Eddie left. The losers, especially Bill and Richie, were always quiet and weirdly sad. Everyone missed Richie's jokes and his cheerful personality. They missed Bill's longs rants about his favourite books and the lack of them caused his stutter to worsen again.

As it neared graduation it got worse. There were more fights within the losers club and everyone was on edge. None of them would admit it, but Eddie was the glue that held them together. He was always the voice of reason and put up with the most shit. Richie was on edge. He'd be lying if he said losing Eddie wasn't the most painful thing he'd experienced. He would sit at the cafeteria table subconsciously gripping his dog tag while zoning out and not listening to anything anyone was saying. Stanley was the only person who was able to get through to him.

Stanley laid on his bed reading Bill's new narrative for his AP english class, while Richie was sitting with his knees to his chest on Stanley's chair. His was playing with his dog tag and staring off into nowhere.

"Are you okay, Richie?" Stanley asked, noticing he hadn't cracked a joke or tried to distract him for a few minutes.  
"Yeah."  
"I know you're lying so I'm gonna ask again, are you okay?"  
"No...why do you think Eddie hasn't responded to any of my letters?"  
"Maybe he hasn't got them."  
"What if he moved on already?"  
"He loves you, wouldn't of moved on. He said he was coming back and he will. Maybe not after graduation, but if I'm being honest, Rich...I don't think It is gone. Sometimes I can hear him taunting me and it's not like a memory...when It comes back, Eddie will too. We all will. You'll see him again, I promise."  
"You hear It too? You hear him asking us to stay too?"  
"Yeah, sometimes."  
"We're still going to college together...right?"  
"You got the acceptance letter for Bowdoin?"  
"Yeah, you did too?"

Stanley nodded.

"There is something bothering you," Richie raised an eyebrow.

Stanley put Bill's narrative on his bedside table and shifted uncomfortably on the bed.

"Bill got an early acceptance into the writing school in New York he applied to. Full scholarship and everything. He leaves in two weeks."  
"He didn't tell us?"  
"I'm not surprised, I haven't heard him stutter that much since he lost Georgie."

Stanley looked down and closed his eyes. He took a shaky breath and tried to hold back the tears. His lip trembled as he suppressed his cries. Richie stood and moved so he was sitting next to Stanley on the bed. He put an arm around Stanley and he felt the boy turn and bury his face in his chest. Stanley sobbed and wrapped his arms around Richie's waist.

"It's okay."  
"I don't how you're dealing with Eddie going so well," Stanley choked out.  
"I'm not, but I'm getting through it and you're gonna get through this too, I promise."

* * *

(A/N): haha oops


	12. Chapter 12

TW: mentioned abuse

* * *

Eddie sat on his bed staring at his hand. He wasn't okay. He rubbed his finger along a long, deep cut on the back of his right hand. He'd just gotten off crutches so the 'nurses' weren't holding back on the conversion 'therapy' anymore. Nurse Ingrid was the worst. She kept asking him about Richie and no matter what he said, she'd punish him the way his mother did, but the thing is he didn't remember who Richie was. He felt awful. He knew he was someone special to him when he lived in Derry, but he couldn't actually remember anything.

He'd been given a uniform. A white long sleeved t-shirt, a red and blue tie, black dress shorts and pants, long white socks, black leather shoes and a blue blazer with the homes emblem on it, a raven. The bird eerily reminded him of someone he thought he once knew but he just shook off the feeling and tried to ignore it.

"Nurse Ingrid?" Cooper asked as he walked in noticing the cut on his hand.  
"Yeah...I can never win with her."  
"Look," Connor said, showing Eddie a matching scar on his hand.  
"How haven't I noticed that before?"  
"Beats me, but don't worry. After about two months she stops asking about boys back at home."

Conner jumped on his own bed and brought his knees to his chest. He sat comfortably leaning against the wall. He began tapping some sort of rhythm on his knees with his fingers. Eddie had noticed he was hyperactive and it made his heart ache. He knew that it wasn't Connor that was making him feel like this...or that's what he tried to convince himself, he thought it had something to do with his traits and the person he'd loved back home, but he could never remember. Connor once called him 'Eds' and when Eddie told him not to, he stopped immediately. It kind of disappointed Eddie, but he never said anything.

"That's not what's bothering me," Eddie spoke quietly.  
"It's not?"  
"No...I can't remember who it is that she keeps asking me about."  
"You came from Derry, right?"  
"Yeah."  
"Well, so did I. What's his name?"  
"Richie."  
"Uh..um last name?" Connor began fiddling with his wrist band.  
"Tozier, I think."

Connor went white and cleared his throat. His palms grew sweaty and his heart started racing. The boy he'd outed in the arcade in front of Henry Bowers, his cousin, was the boy who Eddie couldn't remember. He couldn't believe it. He felt terrible guilt, but managed to hide it well so Eddie didn't notice.

"Yeah, I um, met him once in the arcade at the Aladin. He's like really good at street fighter."  
"Can...can you tell me what he looks like?"  
"It was a few years ago and I don't know if he's changed much, but he wore a Hawaiian shirt, had coke bottle glasses and blackish hair. I think it was slightly curly."  
"Richie Tozier," he said quietly to himself, trying to remember the name, "Tozier...trashmouth, trashmouth!"  
"What?"  
"My friends we...we called him trashmouth! I remember!"

A memory began playing in the back of Eddie's mind. He was on a track field with some blurry faces. He looked up a the stands to see the boy Connor had described sitting next to a fiery redhead. He smiled and waved and watched as the boy smiled softly down at him. He wished he remembered properly and how the boy was important to him, but as quick as the memory came, it faded.

"I think I have amnesia or something," he said after a long, uncomfortable silence, "I can't remember anything clearly."  
"Do you remember about the dog tag?"  
"No...but it just feels wrong taking it off. I know it was from someone who I cared about, but I'm not sure."  
"Could it of been Richie?"  
"I don't know."  
"Your birthday is in three months, right?"  
"Yeah...one month after I was meant to graduate high school."  
"Maybe if you go back to Derry, than you could remember."  
"Maybe...what if we leave?"  
"You know we can't. Security is hella tight and the last person who tried to escape wasn't ever heard from again."  
"Samuel Winst, right?"  
"Yeah."  
"We could do it though...when's your eighteenth birthday?"  
"I'm already eighteen."  
"What?"  
"I got let out and I couldn't find a job, place to live or anything. Mrs Spader found out so I came back."  
"You put up with this when you don't have to?"  
"It's a roof over my head and three meals a day."

Eddie stood and sat next to Connor on his bed. He sat with his back against the wall and bought his legs up to his chest.

"Plus, you have only three months left, Eddie. As much as I don't want you to have to go through it, it's a lot safer than trying to leave."  
"I just escaped abuse from my mother and I come here and it's exactly the same. I was on crutches because she threw me down the stairs."  
"I'm sorry...I didn't know."  
"It's okay."

Eddie fished the dog tag out from underneath his uniform and read the small words over and over again. i wanna dance with somebody, with somebody who loves me 3. He didn't know why they were special, but he knew that one day he would. One day he was going to find this person who had made him feel so special and one day he knew he was going to finally be happy.

"You'll find him again...Richie...you're lucky to have him. He's a good person."  
"I just wish I could remember him."

Eddie looked up and over at Connor, who was looking right back at him. He never realised it before, but his eyes were beautiful. They were a beautiful, crystal, blue and he felt himself easily getting lost in them. Connor smiled at him and Eddie felt butterflies flood his stomach. Eddie felt slightly guilty as he began slowly inching his head closer. Connor found himself doing the same thing. Their noses brushed and their eyes fluttered shut as their lips joined. They kissed for a few moments, but Eddie felt like he was cheating. He pulled away and turned to face away from a Connor.

"I'm sorry, I can't, I should've of kissed you...I'm so sorry, Connor."  
"It's okay, Eddie. I get it. You're feeling lonely and confused because you don't remember Richie. It's completely fine, I don't blame you. We can go down to the games room and hang out with the others if that makes you feel better."

Eddie turned back and smiled weakly at a Connor.

"Thank you."  
"Let's go," Connor smiled as he got up and began walking towards the door.  
"Wait for me!" Eddie called as he ran after him.

* * *

Richie laid on his bed staring at the ceiling. He wasn't okay. He'd been listening to 3AM by Matchbox Twenty, I Wanna Dance With Somebody by Whitney Houston and Africa by TOTO for the last three days. He'd missed school on a Monday and all the losers were worried, but every time they came over he turned them away. Bill had left a week ago and no one was taking it lightly. After losing both Eddie and Bill, Richie was inconsolable. He still had his other best friends, but he just slowly felt himself slowly falling apart and no matter what he true he couldn't put himself back together.

There was a knock on his door and it creaked open slowly.

"Hey, Rich," his mom said softly, "do you want dinner?"  
"What is it," he asked in a small voice as he pulled his headphones off.  
"Chicken Roast."  
"I'll be downstairs in a minute," he sniffed as he sat up and wiped some tears.  
"Okay," she smiled as she walked out.

Richie took the Matchbox Twenty tape out of his walkman and placed his headphones down on his bed. He gripped his dog tag as he got up and walked out of his bedroom. When he made it to the table, Maggie brought out some food and placed it on the table. Maggie and Richie began serving themselves. Maggie frowned slightly when she noticed Richie only took one potato and a chicken leg.

"Honey, I know your friends leaving was tough on you, but you have to take care of yourself."  
"Mom, Eddie wasn't just a friend."  
"I know. You used to write 'Richie Kaspbrak' on the inside of your closet where you thought I wouldn't see it."  
"I miss him."  
"I...figured. Where did he end up going?"  
"St James School for Troubled Boys."  
"I could take you down to visit after graduation."  
"Bev and I already looked...you can't."  
"He gets out when he's eighteen right?"  
"Yeah."  
"We could go down on his birthday to pick him up."  
"I don't think he wants to see me."  
"And why would he not want to see you?"  
"He hasn't called or written."  
"Maybe he's not allowed to."

Richie turned his attention back to his plate. He picked up his fork and began picking at his potato. He pushed it around on his plate and held back tears. He wanted nothing more than to go see Eddie the day he gets out, but he didn't know how he'd react and he was terrified of Eddie rejecting him.

"I just want to go back to when I would watch him at track practice. He was always so happy and he could walk without crutches and we would go to the clubhouse with everyone and sing that Whitney Houston song to the top of our lungs."

With those last few words, Richie completely fell apart. A broken sob fell from his lips as he dropped his fork and buried his face in his hands. He pushed off his glasses and they fell onto the table. He crossed his arms and rested his head on his forearms. He sobbed into his jumper sleeves and Maggie walked over to him.

"Hey," she said in an almost whisper as she rubbed his back softly, "it's okay."

Richie took his arms off the table and wrapped his arms around Maggie's waist. She rubbed his back with one hand and ran her other hand through his hair.

"I miss him so much," he sobbed.  
"I know, sweetie...if you want to go there for his birthday, I'll go with you, but if you don't it's okay and I'm sure one of the others would be happy to."  
"I love you so much, mom."  
"I love you too, Richie."


	13. Chapter 13

TW: abuse mentioned

(A/N): Sorry this chapter is a little shorter. I promise there will be more reddie soon!

* * *

Richie sat with Beverly, Stanley, Mike and Ben in the clubhouse. Richie and Ben were both resting their heads on Beverly's lap as she played with their hair. Mike and Stanley were in the hammock cuddling. Richie didn't know if Stanley was just feeling forgotten or lonely, but Mike had been a good comfort the the noodle-headed boy and they'd started dating two weeks prior.

"Do you guys think that Eddie is actually going to come back?" Richie asked.  
"Of course," Beverly began circling her nails softly on the two boys temples, "he promised and I'm pretty sure he's never broken one before."  
"He hasn't, but I just have this feeling in my gut that he isn't coming back."  
"It's gonna be okay," Ben said, "when we'd study in the library he'd always talk about you, Rich. He'd do anything to see you again."  
"Maybe you're right, maybe I'm over thinking it...I just don't want him to forget me."

Beverly began to speak again, but Richie sat up and stood.

"He's already forgotten me!" Richie yelled, "everyone keeps telling me that it's okay and that he's coming back and I've tried convincing myself that...that everyone is right, but I just know they're not. Bill forgot, what's saying that Eddie hasn't either?"

Stanley tensed at the mention of Bill's and stood. He walked over to Richie silently and gripped his shoulders.

"Don't. Don't bring him into this."  
"Why not?" He asked as he pushed Stanley's arms off him, "it's true. Since you got that letter no one has said anything, but he forgot. He doesn't remember us and we probably won't see him again. Eddie's gonna be the same and I don't want to hold on to false hope."  
"You promised me you wouldn't bring him up."  
"Well you promised me that everything was going to be okay and so far nothing has been. Also, his name is Bill. Use it before you forget too."

Richie walked over to the ladder and began climbing out.

"Richie!" Mike called, but it was no use.

Richie didn't listen. Once he was out of the clubhouse, he kept walking. He got in his car and pressed his head against the steering wheel and yelled. He was angry with everyone and everything, but mostly, he was angry with himself. He never meant to yell or lose it with his friends, but the emotional toll was worse than he'd admit.

One second he was sitting in his car just outside the forest where the clubhouse was, next second he knew he was turning off his car by the kissing bridge. He pulled a pocket knife from his glovebox and got out the car. He walked over to the carving he'd made many years earlier and ran his thumbs along the wood.

_R + E_

The carving was already fading. Richie looked at it for a second before using the knife to recarve the letters. He finished the 'E' and wiped away whatever wood shavings were left. He admired it for a second and was about to leave when he noticed a smaller carving a bit further down the bridge. He walked over to it and crouched down next to it.

_E + R_

He traced the carving as he felt his heart tighten. The carving was definitely newer as if he had been carved just a few months ago. Richie assumed it was just before he confessed, but there was no way to be sure.

"I can't keep doing this."

Richie turned around and leant back against the wood. He pulled an unopened box of Malboro's out of his pocket. He'd had them for months, but hadn't opened it as he quit smoking for Eddie. Eddie didn't like the taste of cigarettes on his lips so he gave up, but now the boy he loved so much was gone and he didn't see any reason to not fall back into his bad habit. He opened the box and pulled a cigarette out. He twirled it around in his fingers for a few moments before taking out a lighter from the same pocket. He placed the cigarette between his teeth and slipped his dog tag off.

"I'm sorry, Eddie, I love you."

He looked at it for a second before placing it on the ground next to him. Richie rested his head against the wooden plank behind him and flicked the lighter. He lit the cigarette, closed the lighter lid and placed two fingers either side of the cigarette. He took a long drag before taking the stick out of his mouth and blew the smoke out. A tear fell down his cheek as he took another drag. He knew he was just trying to fill the void Eddie had left, but for him it seemed to be working.

When he was done, he rubbed the end of the cigarette on the concrete below him and dropped the butt. He picked up the dog tag, stood and began to walk back to his car. He put his car keys back in the ignition and listened to his engine starting. He leant over and threw his pocket knife back in the glove box. Richie looked at the dog tag again before shaking his head and throwing in the glove box too. He closed it and turned on the radio. He felt as if he'd been punched in the stomach when Whitney Houston's familiar voice came over the radio. He quickly turned it off and sat in silence for a few moments. He found his hand shaking as he slowly turned the radio back on.

Richie listened to the song that was once so special to him and Eddie. He opened the glove box again and pulled out the dog tag. He hung it on the front mirror where people usually put air fresheners. He took a deep breath and began driving back home.

* * *

"Are you okay?" Connor asked, "you've been acting weird since you got back from Nurse Ingrid."  
"I don't want to talk about it."  
"Are you sure?"  
"Yeah."  
"Just remember that I've been through it, I know how to-"  
"I said I dont want to talk about it!"  
"I'm sorry-"  
"If you really want to know, I remembered something that I wish I didn't and I feel like I'm falling apart and I don't know if I want to go back to Derry anymore."

Eddie stood and walked out. Connor knew better than he follow him. He'd pushed him and he knew it would only make Eddie more upset. Eddie stormed into the bathroom and went over to the sink. He gripped either side of the basin, looked down and allowed hollow, scattered sobs to fall from his lips. He wasn't even sure how the Nurse had done it, but somewhere between being shown multiple mind numbing movies on why homosexuals were bad and being hit with a ruler on the hand over and over again, she'd managed to help him remember something he didn't man to forget.

_"I'm going to miss you so much," Richie spoke quietly._

_They were laying in what he assumed was Richie's bed. The raven haired boy was wrapped under his arm as Eddie was softly tracing his fingers along the back of his hand._

_"I'm going to miss you too. Tonight might be the last time I get to hold you like this."_

_Eddie felt Richie grip him tighter. Eddie pressed a light kiss to Richie's forehead. Richie looked up at him and smiled softly. He wasn't wearing his glasses so Eddie could see all of his features clearly. He stopped making circles on Richie's hand and cupped his face. Eddie kissed his forehead again and rubbed his thumb softly in front of his ear._

_"Do you have to leave tomorrow?"_  
_"Yeah. I love you, Richie...don't ever forget that."_  
_"I love you, Eddie...please don't forget that either."_  
_"I won't."_

_Richie pushed himself up and joined their lips. Eddie smiled into the kiss and hugged him a little tighter as their lips moved together slowly. Richie cupped Eddie's face and parted his mouth allowing Eddie to kiss him deeper. Eddie's tongue explored every inch of Richie's mouth and Richie melted into his touch. Eddie moved his hand from Eddie's cheek to bury itself in Richie's hair._

Eddie didn't want to know why he forgot, but he wasn't sure if he even wanted the full memory back. He looked up at himself in the mirror. What he saw staring back at him was nothing, but a broken teenage boy. His eyes were bloodshot and there were trails off tears layered in his cheeks. He knew his eyes were his, but he felt like a stranger was looking back at him. He had no idea who he was. Every memory and person he'd made or met after kindergarten was just wiped from his brain. Eddie had no idea what type of person he was or how to fix himself. He was terrified, broken and lonely. One of the only things he truly knew was leaving the school wasn't going to help anything.


	14. Chapter 14

TW: internalised homophobia, self hate, body issues

(A/N): Last chapter before a big time jump...get excited!

* * *

Connor sadly smiled at Eddie, "I'm gonna miss you."  
"I'll miss you too."

It was Eddie's eighteenth birthday. He was finally leaving, but he was no longer how he used to be. He'd become self conscious of his body, personality and sexual preference. He always walked hunched over with his arms covering his stomach. He didn't join in conversations unless someone was talking to him directly and he didn't even like thinking about how he liked men. Connor had noticed Eddie's change in personality, but when he asked if he wanted to talk, Eddie freaked and went mute for a few days. The memory of Richie had never gone away and he hated it. He was hoping Richie hadn't come to pick him up so he could just leave with the creepy man he'd met months before to wherever he wanted to go.

"Goodbye, Connor. Thank you for being so nice me."  
"I hope I get to see you again soon, bye, Eddie."

Eddie smiled and picked up his back pack. He slipped it on over his shoulders and was about to turn around, but Connor pulled him into a hug. Eddie hesitated, but hugged him back. Eddie patted him in the back, telling Connor that that was enough. Connor stepped back and smiled. Eddie nodded and turned around and walked out of the dorm room. He walked by himself down the halls feeling grateful he'd never have to walk through them again. He walked down a few flight of stairs to the bottom floor. He saw Mrs Spader standing by the entrance with Mr Ellingham. She nodded at him and the man walked out and towards the car.

Eddie took a deep breathe and walked down the hall towards her. His heart started pounding in his chest. He was absolutely terrified of Mrs Spader. When he made it to the end of the hallway, she began speaking.

"Mr Ellingham is waiting for you in the car," her eerily monotone voice filled the air, "I hope you enjoyed your stay here."  
"Thank you, Mrs Spader," he hesitated as he headed towards the front door.

Eddie walked out and two security guards blocked the door. He looked back for a second and they nodded towards the car in sync like robots. He quickly turned around and wrapped his arms around his stomach tighter. Eddie nervously fumbled with the sides of his shirt and walked towards the car. He got in and put his bag next to him.

"Are we going to Derry?" Mr Ellingham asked.  
"No. Please just take as far away from that place as possible."  
"Alright."

Mr Ellingham put his foot on the accelerator and drove the complete opposite way to Derry. Eddie slipped his dog tag off for the first time in weeks and shoved it in his bag. didn't know where he was going, but he didn't want to. Eddie was ashamed of everything about himself and he was hoping that a fresh start away from his old life he didn't remember would somehow help. He was ready to start his new life away from everyone and everything.

* * *

Richie was in Beverly's room. The pair were braiding each other's hair, painting their nails and talking about new music. Richie had been on edge all day, more than usual, but whenever she asked him if he wanted to talk about it, the boy just shook his head and changed the subject.

"Have you heard Matchbox Twenty's new song? I'm obsessed!" Richie exclaimed.  
"3AM right?"  
"Yeah."  
"Rob Thomas has a great voice. Do you know any of their other songs?"  
"I don't know if they have any."

Beverly put the nail polish brush back into the pot and screwed the lid on.

"All done," she smiled, "when it dries you're doing mine."  
"Of course I will, Bevvie."  
"Have you talked to Stan yet?"  
"No," Richie shook his head slightly, "have you asked Ben out yet?"  
"Hey!"  
"What?"  
"That's off topic."  
"So was the Stan thing."  
"How are you?"

Richie leant back against the backboard of Beverly's bed and sighed.

"If I'm being honest, not great. It's Eddie's birthday today."  
"I noticed you took your dog tag off."

Richie looked down for a second and Beverly moved to sit next to him. She rested her head on his shoulder and he smiled at her.

"I just need to stop holding on to hope that he still wants me."  
"He's coming back today, right?"  
"I don't think so. Do you have any smokes?"  
"Yeah," she got up and walked over to her drawers.

Richie watched as she took a fake bottom out of her drawers and pulled out a box of Marlboros.

"I thought you quit."  
"I only quit for Eddie. I started again."

Beverly walked over and held the box out for Richie.

"If you're gonna smoke, sit at my window. Don't need my aunt finding out."  
"Aye aye captain," Richie winked.

He took the box and got up. He walked over to her window and lifted it up fully. He sat on the window sill and took a cigarette out the box. He looked over to Beverly to ask her for a lighter, but she immediately threw one at him. He caught it and smiled as he placed a cigarette between his teeth.

"Tell me about Ben."

Richie lit the cigarette and inhaled for what seemed like forever. He took the cigarette out of his mouth, held it out the window and blew the smoke in that same direction.

"Yesterday he took me bowling," she laid down on her bed.

She laid with her chin in her hands smiling at the trashmouth. He knew she had a specific smile that as reserved for whenever they talked about Ben. Beverly wouldn't admit it, but she was in love. She'd admit her feeing for Ben to anyone, but him and it was obvious to everyone that Ben felt the same, but none of them were brave enough to tell each other.

"And he let me win. I've seen him go bowling before and he was an absolute legend, but he let me win."  
"That's cute," Richie smiled, replacing the cigarette between his teeth.  
"He then took me to the Aladdin and we saw The Lion King."  
"I don't know how you can't see this because you saw it with Stan and Bill and me and Eds, but Haystack is in love with you."  
"You're only saying that because you have to."  
"I don't have to say anything."

Richie smiled and put out his cigarette. Beverly rolled off her bed and handed him the bin.

"I reckon my nails are dry now. What colour do you want?"  
"Mmmmm, red."  
"Red nails coming right up."

Richie plopped himself down on the bed and searched through Beverly's bag of nail polish. He pulled out a pale red bottle and a dark red bottle and held them both up.

"What one?"  
"The dark one," she smiled.

Beverly sat down across from Richie. The trashmouth unscrewed the lid and pulled the brush out.

"Hand please."

Beverly held her hand out and Richie grabbed it softly. He began painting her nails and she smiled at him.

"I'm surprised you didn't go to pick up Eddie."  
"Why would I? He doesn't care about me or any of us anymore so there's no point."  
"You should talk to Stan. If you're going to college together, you can't ignore him."  
"Can we please talk about something else?"  
"He misses you."  
"Bev."  
"Right, sorry."  
"It's fine. Other hand."

Richie let go of Beverly's hand and she held out the other one. Beverly admired her freshly painted nails. Richie had painted them perfectly.

"How are you so good at this?"  
Richie shrugged, "I dunno because my hands are always shaking like crazy."  
"They're not right now."  
"I know, it's weird. Tell me more about your date with Ben."  
"It wasn't a date."  
"Uh huh, right."  
"It wasn't!"  
"Okay, okay."

There was a long silence before either of them spoke again.

"I think I love him," Beverly spoke quietly.  
"And there it is ladies and gentlemen! She's officially the last person to know!" Richie used his announcer voice as he held the nail polish brush as a microphone.  
"Hey!"  
"What? It's true!"

Beverly but her lip as she smiled and rolled her eyes.

"Should I tell him?"  
"Of course. You remember that poem you told me about?"  
"Yeah."  
"Do you still have it?"  
"Why?"  
"Because I can tell you whether it's Bill's handwriting or not. I can't believe you didn't ask him about it while you guys were together."  
"Whatever."  
"All done!" Richie smiled as he finished up the last nail.  
"Poem is in the fake bottom where my cigarettes are."

Richie put the brush back in the pot and screwed on the nail polish lid. He put it back in the bag and jumped off Beverly's bed. He walked over and removed the fake bottom the way Beverly had earlier. Richie picked up the postcard and read it.

_Your hair is winter fire _

_January embers _

_My heart burns there too_

"Yeah, nah, this isn't Bill's handwriting."  
"Then who's is it?"  
"Ben's, also, I don't think this follows the right principals of a Haiku."  
"What?"  
"Aren't the syllables for each line meant to go five, seven, five?"  
"And it doesn't?"  
"Nope, it's seven, six, five."  
"That's what why I said what. It can't be Ben."  
"It is."  
"I don't believe you."  
"Ask him then."  
"No!"  
"I'll drive you there right now!"  
"No!"

Richie ran over to the bed and jokingly pouted.

"Cmon, Bevvie!"  
"I hate you."  
"Love you too!"  
"Fine."  
"Benverly!" Richie called as he grabbed her wrist and pulled her off the bed, "let's go!"

The pair ran out the door and to Richie's car.

"Did I mention I hate you?" Beverly rolled her eyes as she did up her seatbelt.  
"Yep."

* * *

(A/N): I know there wasn't much reddie, but trust me, next chapter is gonna be wild and all of this will make sense.


	15. Chapter 15

TW: mentions of suicide, conversion therapy and internalised homophobia (A/N): okay, so this chapter is kind of a mess, but yeah...whatever, enjoy. I warned you.  
Also, unedited

Song later on is called 'all my friends' my aj mitchell

* * *

Eddie was more broken than anything when he got the call from Mike. After he'd hung up, he immediately collapsed and began sobbing. The memory of Richie he'd remembered in the god awful troubled boys home was the only thing occupying his mind. He wasn't ready to return. It had been years, but he didn't want to go back and remember anything. He'd lead a good life without his childhood memories and he didn't want them back, but there was some part of him telling him to return, so he did. For some reason, he didn't know why, he hung the dog tag around his neck and tucked it under his shirt. It just felt...right.

Richie had been nervous ever since he'd got the call from the Mike. He'd been in the studio recording a new song when his phone started ringing. When Mike said his name he immediately threw up. A sick feeling washed over his whole body and brief memories which included a boy with no name tucking Richie under his arm flooded his mind. He recognised the boy from a photo he'd kept in his wallet for years.

A polaroid of him asleep in a hospital bed with a boy who's battered beyond recognition.

He couldn't stop looking at it on his whole flight over to a place he had wished to never return to. Derry, Maine. For some stupid reason he didn't know, he had replaced the dog tag around his neck that he'd removed many years ago.

* * *

Richie walked into the chinese restaurant and felt his heart become tight in his chest as he saw none other than Eddie Kaspbrak sitting and talking with Bill, Ben, Beverly and Mike. He froze in his spot and couldn't bring himself to move or say anything.

"Richie!" Mike called as he stood and ran over to Richie.

Mike pulled Richie into a hug, but his eyes were still glued on Eddie. Eddie looked over and gave him a small smile. Suddenly the dog tag around his neck weighed a hundred tons.

"Good to see you, Mikey," was all he could manage.

Richie pulled away and he sat down with his old friends at the table. Richie sat in between Beverly and Eddie. He smiled at Eddie and Eddie smiled back.

"Hey," Eddie was beaming, "it's been a while."  
"Yeah...how are you?"  
"Good, how are you?"  
"I'm alright. I honestly never thought I would come back to this shithole."  
"Me neither."

Richie was about to respond when the waitress walked in.

"Are you guys ready to order?"

* * *

"Did you become a comedian, Rich?" Eddie asked, "I know that's what you wanted to do."  
"No, I actually ended up pursuing something I never thought I would."  
"And that was?" Beverly asked.  
"Music."  
"You can sing?" Eddie exclaimed, "like good?"  
"No one knew except my mom."  
"Can we hear one of your songs?" Beverly asked.  
"I guess."

Richie took his phone out and opened spotify. He handed it to Beverly and she began scrolling.

"Take your pick."

When she chose a song and the familiar music began playing, Richie felt himself physically hunch over. Any song. ANY SONG, and the one she chose was the only thing he'd written about his forgotten lover...that he'd released anyway.

_These rooms got a lot space, crowded, but a lonely place._  
_Sitting at a table full of double dates, everywhere I go I'm gonna see your face._  
_Pictures, I'm reminded of the goods time how we tried it._  
_Don't know how I'm gonna get you out of my head, I don't have it in me to deny it._  
_But everybody, everybody knows something I don't._

Richie watched Eddie's reaction as he slowly realised the song was about him. Of course Richie didn't remember who he was, but he kept the polaroid of him and Eddie in the hospital bed in his wallet for twenty two years...Richie didn't know it yet, but he was still in love with Eddie and he definitely never fell out.

_And I wonder, and I wonder how to keep a good thing going._  
_All my friends are falling in love._  
_All my friends are locking it up._  
_But I can't seem to settle down, 'cause I'm waiting for you to come around._  
_While all my friends are falling in love._

Beverly, who was sitting next to him, grabbed his hand and squeezed it softly. Richie looked over and smiled at her.

_They say that love is true and I'll find somebody new._  
_But everybody lookin' like a honeymoon, but all that I've been looking for is me and you._  
_'Cause everybody everybody knows something I don't._  
_And I wonder. and I wonder how to keep a good thing going._

"Richie," Eddie said softly only so the trashmouth could hear.

Richie looked over and Eddie pointed a shaky hand at himself and mouthed 'me'. All Richie could do was nod and turn away. Eddie looked down and began fiddling with the bottom of his shirt.

_All my friends are fallin in love._  
_All my friends are locking it up._  
_But I can't seem to settle down 'cause I'm waiting on you to come around._  
_While all my friends are falling in love._  
_Falling in love._  
_Falling in love._

_Everybody, everybody knows something I don't._  
_And I wonder, and I wonder how to keep a good thing going._  
_All my friends are falling in love, in love, in love All my friends are locking it up, they're locking it up But I can't seem to settle down, 'cause I'm waiting on you to come around While all my friends are falling in love._  
_Falling, falling._  
_Falling in love._  
_Falling, falling._  
_But I can't seem to settle down, 'cause I'm waiting on you to come around._  
_While all my friends are falling in love._

"Wow," Bill said, "that was beautiful, Rich."  
"Thanks...it was the first song I wrote that I actually released."  
"Look," Ben said, holding his arm out, "I have goosebumps."  
"What was your inspiration?" Mike asked.  
"Oh um," Richie glanced at Eddie for a second before turning his attention to Mike, "everyone I knew was getting engaged, married, they were starting families, but I couldn't find anything that felt right."  
"I love it," Beverly smiled.  
"Me too," Eddie added.

Richie looked over at him and Eddie gave him a look that Richie had only ever seen once before. It was the same confused smile Eddie had given him that night Richie confessed. Richie's heart tightened in his chest and his face began feeling hot. He turned away to stop himself from going red.

"What'd you end up doing?" Richie asked Eddie, "I remember you having no idea."  
"Oh, I'm an olympic track runner. After I left the 'school'," he made air quotes, "I didn't love myself. It was terrible what they did to me and everyone else in there...they tried conversion therapy to make me straight."

Everyone audibly gasped, except Richie, and gave Eddie a sympathetic look. Richie's heart fell and shattered. He couldn't say anything, he was tongue tied and holding back tears.

"It took years, but I finally came to terms with myself after and I began working out. I joined a track team and eventually made it to the olympics. I also have a company that investigates and shuts down places like St James School for Troubled Boys. Let me tell ya, Mrs Spader was not happy."

Everyone cheered and Eddie smiled. Richie gave him a weak smile and held back the urge to grab his hand under the table.

"Rich," Bill said, "do you know what happened to Stan after college?"  
"No. We never talked to each other again after I kinda yelled at him after you left, Bill. Sorry."  
"Why are we here, Mikey?" Ben asked, "you said you needed our help?"  
"Something happened to us...that summer," Mike said.  
"Pennywise," Beverly choked out.  
"The fucking clown," Eddie's breath hitched and he reached for a non-existent inhaler.

Richie stared down at the table and he felt his stomach churned. Everyone's arguing and bickering became a ringing. He remembered Stanley being attacked in Neibolt. He remembered finding him with It's teeth dug into the side of his face.

"Mike," he broke through the arguing, "can I have Stan's number."

Mike pushed a piece of paper across the table and Richie snatched it up. He opened the keypad on his phone and began pressing on the number.

"Everyone shut the fuck up!" Richie yelled, cutting through the arguing.

Everyone went silent as Richie dialled the numbers, pressed call and put the phone on speaker. It rang for a few seconds before a woman's voice came from the phone.

_Hello?_  
"Mrs Uris? I'm Richie, sorry for calling, but I'm an old friend of your husbands."  
_Oh,_ her voice became shaky, _Stan's gone._

Richie looked up at Bill with haunted eyes. He quickly wiped a tear and kept on talking.

"Gone?"  
_Last night. It was terrible how it happened...his wrists..._  
"The bathtub," Beverly whispered.  
_The bathtub...I'm sorry I have to go._  
"I'm so sorry, Mrs Uris."

Patricia Uris hung up and Richie dropped his phone. He didn't care about it smashing for the fact that everyone was staring at him. He covered his mouth with his hands as if he was trying to catch the sob that fell from his lips. Beverly put an arm around him and he turned to cry into her shoulder. Eddie softly rubbed his back in an attempt to comfort him. Ben put an arm around Beverly's shoulders and softly played with Richie's hair. Mike and Bill embraced each other and cried quietly. Stanley was gone and he wasn't coming back.

* * *

Mike had convinced everyone to stay, but he told them that they all needed one night to sleep. Eddie sat in his room, laying on his back. He guessed the inn was nice. It wasn't terrible, but it wasn't five star either. Eddie couldn't stop thinking about Richie. The longer he was in town more and more memories of them together came back. He conte,played going over to Richie's room, but before he could even come to a decision he found himself standing outside Richie's door. He was about to knock when the door opened.

"Oh," Richie stepped back, "you scared the shit out of me. I was just about to come to your room."  
"Can we talk," Eddie fiddled with the hem of his shirt.  
"Yeah, come in."

Richie stepped to the side and let a Eddie walk past. Eddie's heart pounded in his chest. Richie sat down on his bed and Eddie sat next to him.

"What's up, Eds?"  
"Don't call me that," Eddie smiled.  
"I know you always loved it."  
"Yeah, but I have a reputation."  
"Uh huh, right."  
"I wanted to tell you about why I didn't come back."  
"You don't have to explain yourself."  
"No, I do."  
"Okay."

Eddie took a deep breath and clutched the dog tag through his shirt. Richie noticed, but he didn't say anything.

"When I left, all my memories when almost immediately. Around the time you would've graduated I remembered the night before I left...well not all of it, just parts and if fucked with me majorly. The last month I was there was the worst. They poured hot water on me, hit me more often and even tried shock therapy."

Eddie looked up at Richie and he looked absolutely heartbroken. He could see the tears threatening his eyes, but instead of saying anything about it, he turned away again and carried on talking.

"I hated myself. I thought that maybe my mom was right and that there was something wrong with me. I also became very conscious of all my scars and stretch marks and my personality, I hated every aspect of myself."  
"Eddie..." Richie said softly as he looked down and noticed the scar on top of his hand.  
"The guy who was meant to take me back asked me if I was going to Derry and I told him to go the other way. That was the first time I took the dog tag off."  
"Do you still have it?"

Eddie fished it out from under his shirt and let it hang out in the open.

"Yeah."

Richie did the same and smiled at Eddie. The smaller man placed a hand on Richie's jawline and softly rubbed his thumb on his cheek. Richie leant into his touch and Eddie smiled sweetly at him.

"I'm so sorry that happened to you. You don't deserve that."  
"Well I made it and I'm here now aren't I?"  
"I guess so."  
"You told me that it wasn't goodbye when I left. Who knew 'see you soon' meant 'see you in twenty two years'?"

A soft chuckle fell from Richie's lips. Seeing him smile again made butterflies flood his stomach as he felt his own smile grow wider. Eddie bit his bottom lip, pulled his hand away from Richie's jawline then wrapped his arms around his waist. Richie smiled and hugged him back. He closed his eyes and rested his head on top of Eddie's. The side of Eddie's face was pressed against Richie's chest and he was hoping he couldn't hear his heart racing.

"I missed you, Rich."  
"I missed you so much, Eds."


	16. Chapter 16

TW: Mentions of sex

Also, I'm gonna be using AJ Mitchell's music for all of Richie's songs of thats all good with y'all... :)

* * *

Eddie's eyes flicked open and he didn't recognise the room he was in. An arm was draped over his chest. He turned his head to the side to see Richie laying next to him completely blacked out. Eddie had a terrible headache and the cold air nipped at his bare skin. He looked down to find himself covered in love bites.

"Fuck," he uttered as the events from last night began coming back.

Eddie slowly lifted Richie's arm and slipped out from underneath. He found his clothes on the floor and quickly pulled on his boxers and jeans. He slipped out the room and closed the door behind him, wearing the dog tag, but gripping his shirt in his hands. Beverly was leant against the wall with a smirk on her face.

"Morning, Eddie."  
"Jesus fucking christ," Eddie jumped back startled, "how long were you waiting there?"  
"Not long. Have fun last night?"  
"How did you know I was in Richie's room?"  
"You guys weren't particularly quiet."  
"Shit."

The pair both heard a loud "oh fuck" from Richie's room so Beverly decided it be best for Eddie to hurry back to his room. As he opened his door, Beverly winked and Eddie rolled his eyes lovingly. He closed the door behind him, ran into the bathroom and looked at his covered chest.

"What the fuck," he muttered, "this is not okay."

* * *

Richie slowly opens his eyes and rubbed them. He felt like shit. He rolled out of his bed, slipped his glasses on and despite it hurting, he walked over to the bathroom. He turned on the light and what he saw in the mirror made his mouth drop open. From the bottom of his chest to the top of his neck, he was covered in love bites, there were even teeth marks on his shoulder.

"Oh fuck!"

Richie pulled the curtain back and turned on the shower. He needed to think. Him and Eddie had just _hooked up_ after twenty two years of not seeing each other. He had no idea what was going to happen next, but one thing he did know was that everyone was going to take the piss out of him for being the obvious bottom.

After he showered, Richie put on some jeans, his yellow Hawaiian shirt and leather jacket. He also slipped on the dog tag and hid it beneath his shirt. He looked in the mirror noticing heaps of the love bits were still showing.

"Fuck it."

Richie's phone buzzed. He took it off the bathroom counter to see a text message from Mike.

_Meet at the library in 10 mins._

He responded and headed out into the hallway. As Richie walked out, he saw Eddie's head disappear down the stairs and waited until he heard Eddie's car start. Richie walked down the stairs and into the lobby. He smiled at the lady at the front desk and walked out to where his car was parked. Richie got in the car and began driving towards the library.

* * *

Richie sat outside in his car for a while before gathering enough courage to walk inside. He felt like a seventeen year old boy hiding in his car just so he doesn't have to talk to Eddie as long. It's not that he wanted to ignore him, he was scared of messing up making Eddie hate him. He always was and always has been and probably always will. Richie took a deep breath and got out his car. He locked it and headed inside.

"Fashionably late as always," Ben smiled.  
"At least I'm here," he rubbed his eye, "I was tempted to say in bed, I'm so fucking tired."  
"Uh huh," Beverly but her lip in an attempt to stop them from curving into a smile, which of course didn't work.  
"Good morning to you guys too."  
"How a-are we k-k-killing this th-thing, Mikey?" Bill asked, changing the subject.

Richie immediately picked up that he was stuttering again. He wasn't sure if it was the recent news of Stanley's death making him slip back into his old habit, but he tried not to think about it.

"I think it's better if I show you," Mike spoke nervously, "how do you guys feel about going for a walk?"

Richie noticed Eddie shoot a look straight over at him. Little fucker read his mind. It hurt Richie to walk, but of course he wouldn't admit it.

"I'm down," Richie shrugged.  
"Yeah me too," Eddie added.

Everyone agreed and they headed out. Mike began talking some shit about Pennywise and the 'Ritual or Chüd', but of course Richie zoned out. It wasn't his fault, he just couldn't stop thinking about the night before. He thought about how Eddie had held him so tenderly and made sure he was okay the whole time, constantly asking him if was okay and if he wanted him to stop when he slightly hurt him. It made Richie wonder if anything had happened to him within the last few years. He was pulled out of thoughts by none other than Eddie himself.

"Hey," he smiled sweetly, "are you okay?"  
"Yeah yeah, I'm good...how about you?"  
"I'm good, last night was fun."

Richie tripped and staggered slightly when Eddie said those last four words. The last thing he expected from Eddie was him to be so forward and it caught him off guard. Eddie had obviously noticed, but he chose not to say anything.

"Yeah, we should do it again sometime," Richie winked with a smirk.

Eddie smiled and playfully rolled his eyes.

"So, a singer huh?"  
"It's crazy. It all just kinda happened."

Eddie pulled out his phone and began searching something.

"What you lookin' up there?"  
"You."  
"Pff, alright."  
"No fucking way!"  
"What?"  
"I love this song!"  
"What song?"  
"Used to be! I have that shit on repeat all the time."  
"I don't believe you."

Eddie opened spotify and clicked on his most listened to album from 2015. He handed Richie the phone and saw that his song 'Used To Be' was at the very top.

"And you never looked to see who it was by? You wound me, Eds."  
"Oh shut up," Eddie grinned, "who'd you write the song about, if you don't mind me asking."  
"Oh, I um dated this guy called Miles. I changed it to be about a girl because I wasn't out publicly then."  
"Well, you should be glad to know th-"

Eddie was cut off by a bunch of cars driving up behind the group of losers. Heaps of people climbed out holding large cameras.

"Guys," Richie yelled, "run, it's the fucking paparazzi!"

The whole group began sprinting and neared what Richie recognised to be the forest where their clubhouse was built by Ben many years prior. The whole group watched as the paparazzi stopped following them and gave up they were amongst the trees.

"Those headlines bouta be really fucking weird," Richie said, putting on his announcers voice, "singer Richie Tozier spotted with olympic runner Eddie Kaspbrak, fashion designer Beverly Marsh and author Bill Denbrough in Derry, Maine!"  
"Not to mention the hickeys," Beverly grinned.  
"Oi," Eddie and Richie called at the same time.  
"That c-collab would b-b-be wild," Bill shook his head.  
"Just picturing it is making me want to cry," Mike laughed.  
"Isn't this where the clubhouse is?" Ben asked.

Almost on cue, he stamped his foot on the floor and just disappeared. Everyone just stood still silently waiting to hear Ben's voice.

"I'm okay! Come down!"

The group of adults climbed down into the clubhouse they spent many nights in. Richie hadn't been in there since his argument with Stanley the day of graduation. He shook his head and tried to forget the memory. Richie wandered over to the old radio and tape player.

"Remember when Eds and I used to sing and you guys would be so annoyed?" He laughed as he picked up a Whitney Houston tape.  
"Don't call me that."  
"I used correct grammar and you're just gonna pick up the nickname? Wow, I see how it is."  
"I remember that," Mike said, "you guys did it every single time we came down here."  
"Stop arguing like an o-o-old married c-couple," Bill smiled and rolled his eyes.  
"What are you holding, Bill?" Ben asked.

He was holding an empty blue paint can in his shaky hands.

"F-f-for the u-u-use of l-l-l-losers o-only...St-St-St-St-Stan."

Bill quickly lifted the lid and pulled out a shower cap. He looked at the fabric and remembered the first time he'd kissed Stanley. They'd been alone in the clubhouse listening to music and talking about nothing.

_"I gotta go. I have to go do some shit for my dad. I don't know why he asks me to help and not mom, but he does."_  
_"W-wait...I n-n-need to tell you something."_  
_"Hmm?"_

_Bill got up and walked over to Stanley at the ladder._

_"I was p-planning to t-tell you earlier, b-but I didn't h-have the courage t-to. H-here it goes...um...I l-l-like you...a l-lot."_

_Stanley's expression softened and a small smile spread across his face._

_"S-say something. Anything."_  
_"Bill," he placed a hand on his cheek, "I like you too."_  
_"Y-you do?"_  
_"Yeah."_

_The two boys neared each other and before long their lips had joined. Bill reached up and slipped off Stanley's shower cap so he could feel his curls. Stanley pulled away first and smiled at the boy._

_"See you around, Billy."_  
_"Yeah, s-see you."_

_Bill watched as Stanley climbed out the clubhouse. He began celebrating and pumping his fists. He'd gotten the boy he'd loved for a few years now. It all felt surreal._

Bill sat with Stanley's shower cap on his knee. He softly rubbed his fingers along the material remembering how it felt covering Stanley's hair. He quickly wiped a tear.

"Guessing this is Stan's token?"  
"Yeah," Mike said in a small voice, "I guess so."  
"I'm need some air," Richie muttered as he climbed out the clubhouse.  
"Richie," Eddie called as he went after him.

Richie sat down by a nearby tree and rested his head against it. He felt absolutely terrible. Last time he'd ever talked to him, he upset him and made Stanley cry.

"Hey," Eddie sat next to him, "you okay?"  
"No. Last time I saw him, we were arguing. After you left, Bill left a few months later. Stanley took it hard when we got a letter from Bill saying he didn't remember us and we needed to stop contacting him. We were in the clubhouse and I got upset and I said Bill's name and Stan just broke. He begged me to stop saying it and the last thing I said to him was _'you promised me that everything was going to be okay and so far nothing has been. Also, his name is Bill. Use it before you forget too.'_"

Richie closed his eyes tight and dropped his head.

"After that, I stormed out and never talked to him again. I saw him at college once...he smiled at me in halls and I smiled back, but I didn't talk to him...I should've. I should've talked to him."

Eddie snaked am arm around Richie's shoulders and Richie leant his head on his chest. Eddie placed his free hand on the side of Richie's face and softly ran his thing along his cheek.

"It's okay."

Eddie rested his head down on top of Richie's.

"Should we leave them? Ben asked.  
"Yeah," Beverly said, "probably for the best. They know to meet back at the library."


	17. Chapter 17

Eddie hated this fucking house. Neibolt used to haunt him as a kid, even before the events with Pennywise. He was kind of angry at Bill for dragging them there before they were ready, but he knew now wasn't any time for bad feelings. It wanted to divide them and Eddie wasn't going to let him. They walked inside and it smelt awful.

"I love what he's done with the place," Richie said as he looked around at the filth.  
"Beep beep, Richie," Beverly responded.

Richie, Eddie and Bill all walked into a room and the door slammed behind them ultimately separating them from the others. The rusty old fridge against the far wall started to rattle. Eddie remembered that fridge from when he broke his arm. Eddie looked up and noticed the hole he fell through was still there. He looked back down and the fridge door flung open to reveal a teenage boy folded in an unnatural position. A head appeared through the legs. Stanley. It was Stanley Uris.

"It's Stan," Richie said.

The head rolled out the fridge until it hit an old mattress. It started to speak.

"It's your fault I'm dead, Bill," it said, looking him dead in the eye.  
"N-n-no S-s-st-st-st-sta-st-st...Stan."  
"You made me promise."

Bill wiped a tear and Eddie put a hand on his shoulder.

"Richie, w-what's happening to me?" The head asked.

What looked like spider legs started sprouting from the head. Eddie backed up into the far corner and watched in horror as the head stood and smiled revealing razor sharp teeth.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me," Richie exclaimed.

The weird Stan-spider ran at the three men. Bill and Richie fought it off until they lost it. Eddie was in the corner having a panic attack.

"Hey, Eds, are you..."

He trailed off as he noticed some spit dripping in between him and Eddie. He looked up and the spider head was there.

"Oh, there he is."

The spider lunged at Richie and immediately attached itself to his face.

"What the fuck!" He screamed as he fell over backwards, trying to pry it off his head.

Bill immediately ran over and tried to pull, the head off. Eddie couldn't move. He wanted to, he wanted to help, but no matter how hard he tried he couldn't move. His feet were glued to the floor. Ben, Beverly and Mike burst through the door. Ben spotting a knife on the floor, ran over and immediately grabbed it. He stabbed the head multiple times, not realising who it was. The grip on Richie's head loosened as he threw the head off him. Bill held a hand out and helped Richie stand up.

"Holy shit," Richie said, "if he wanted a kiss he could've just asked."  
"You almost died, Richie," Beverly said.  
"But I didn't."

Richie walked over to Eddie.

"You okay?"  
"Rich...you just..."  
"Yeah, but I'm fine. I'm not going to die and neither are you."  
"Promise?" Eddie asked.

Eddie held out his pinky finger and Richie caught it with his own pinky finger.

"Promise."

* * *

"Oh fuck," Eddie exclaimed.

He came out the cave to find Richie floating in the air trapped in the dead lights as Beverly had been years before. He couldn't even think. He was so overwhelmed that he just threw the fence pilon that Beverly had given straight at Pennywise like a spear. It flew directly into Pennywises mouth, knocking him backwards and causing Richie to fall.

"Holy shit."

Eddie ran over to Richie and basically straddled him.

"Rich, Rich, hey Rich, wake up."

Richie's eyes flicked open and he looked completely dazed.

"Hey, yeah, yeah, there he is. Richie, listen. I think I got it man," Eddie looked back to see Pennywise laying still, "I think I killed it."  
"Eddie," Richie breathed out, "move."

Richie was too late. Just as he uttered 'move' a sharp flooded Eddie's entire body. Blood dropped from his mouth ont Richie. Eddie looked down to find Pennywise's talon sticking out his his stomach.

"Eddie," Richie cried.  
"Rich...Richie."

Pennywise pulled him back and help him in the air like a trophy. Eddie felt sick and lightheaded. He heard Bill and Beverly scream. Eddie looked down at Richie who was frozen still.

"Uh oh!" It taunted as he threw Eddie down into a far cave.

Richie immediately got up and broke into a sprint. Him and all the other losers ran into the cave where Eddie had been thrown. Bill and Mike were the first ones down there. They both lifted Eddie and moved him over to the side so he could rest comfortably. Richie took his jacket off and pressed it against Eddie's chest.

Eddie started saying something about how he made a leper small and then the others ran off. Richie couldn't hear anything. His ears were ringing. He was only pulled back to reality when Eddie's breathing became slower.

"Eddie," Richie cried, "stay with me."

Richie pressed his spare hand to Eddie's cheek and rubbed his thumb softly in front of his ear.

"It's okay, you're going to be okay."  
"Richie...go help them."  
"No, I can't leave you."  
"I'll be okay."  
"No, Eddie, no, I'm not leaving."  
"Please...do it for me."

A sob escaped Riche's lips and Eddie raised a hand to cup his cheek. Richie heard everyone begin yelling at It. He wasn't sure how that was helping at all, but he didn't really care. All he wanted for Eddie to be okay.

"Rich, go help."

Richie leant forwards and kissed Eddie's forehead.

"I love you," he whispered, "I always have."  
"I love you too," Eddie managed.

Richie granted his wish and left to go help defeat It. Eddie didn't want him to. He only begged Richie to go help so he wouldn't have to watch him die. He used a weak and shaky hand to pull the dog tag out from under his shirt. He wrapped his hand around it and gripped the metal tight. Eddie closed his eyes and let the darkness take him.

* * *

Richie, Beverly, Ben, Mike and Bill were all stood holding the clowns heart that Mike had ripped from his chest. They all began squeezing it and the pieces began floating up to where the dead lights were. Pennywise started fading too. He was finally gone. Richie took a deep breath and remembered Eddie in the cave.

"Guys, Eddie," he said in a small voice and he turned and ran back to the cave.

Richie ran down to where Eddie as laying and crouched down by hm.

"Hey, Eddie, hey man, we did it."

Eddie didn't respond. Richie cupped his face and felt his heart shatter.

"Eds."

Tears immediately fell down his cheeks and he tried to shake Eddie awake. When it didn't work, Richie wrapped his arms around him and hugged him tighter than he ever has before, hoping it was a sick prank and Eddie would hug him back.

"Richie," Beverly spoke softly, "cmon, honey, he's dead."  
"No."  
"Ri-"  
"No, help me get him up."

The losers knew Richie wouldn't leave without Eddie, dead or alive. Mike helped Richie get him up. He then let Richie carry him bridal style out of the system. A running out was a nightmare. The whole system collapsed just as they managed to make it out the well. They navigated their way out of the crumbling house and ran out onto the street.

Just as they made it out, the house collapsed. Richie immediately bent down and laid Eddie on the ground. He hugged him tight and sobbed. The paparazzi took photos and the losers surrounded the pair so no one could get a clear shot. None of them were sure how the paparazzi knew they were there, but none of them really cared.

"I love you so much," he cried, "I'm so sorry."

After a few moments, Richie opened his eyes and softly ran his thumb along Eddie's temple.

"I'm sorry I let this happen, I promised you'd be okay, I'm so sorry."

His words were encased in sobs as he ran his fingers through Eddie's hair and kissed his forehead. Richie pressed his forehead against Eddie's and sobbed louder. He softly placed his hand on Eddie's chest and let a louder sob fall from his lips when his chest wasn't rising and falling.

"I love you."

Beverly placed a hand on Richie's shoulder in an attempt to comfort him, but it was no help. Richie was holding the unmoving love of his life in his arms. There was nothing she could do to make him feel better.

The paparazzi began moving closer. One of them even pushed Mike to the ground to take a photo of Richie and Eddie. Everything around Richie became muffled noise as he slowly caressed Eddie's face. He could hear the paparazzi asking him questions, but he didn't care enough to respond. Bill and Ben were asking the paparazzi to leave and telling them that this was personal, but they weren't listening.

Richie's heart tightened in his chest as the unexpected happened. Eddie's eyes opened at lightning speed and he took a long breath.


	18. Chapter 18

(A/N): I legit know nothing about hospitals. Sorry if this is incorrect. Also, this chapter is really short as I struggled to write this chapter, I hope it's okay.

* * *

Richie couldn't stop pacing. Paparazzi were being shooed away by police and nurses as they tried to snap photos of the three celebrities in the waiting room. Richie was thankful because he was an absolute mess. His clothes were ripped, dirty and covered in blood. He was sobbing profusely and there were tear tracks cutting through the dirt on his face. Eddie may have been alive, but he had no idea what the chances were for him to actually make it through an injury like that.

"Richie, sit down, you're starting to scare some people in here," Beverly said.  
"I can't. What if he dies?"  
"He won't. Sit down."  
"Fine."

He sat down next to Beverly and pulled his phone out. He opened his twitter to find multiple articles about him and his friends. He clicked on the first one and began reading what story the media has come up with. The photo at the top of the article was of Richie clutching Eddie's body surrounded by the losers. He quickly scrolled past the photo and began reading.

_The unlikely group of friends spotted yesterday in Derry look like they've taken a turn for the worse! Singer Richie Tozier, Author Bill Denbrough, Olympic Track Runner Eddie Kaspbrak and Fashion Designer Beverly Marsh have all be spotted with Ben Hanscom, the head of Hanscom Associations and an unnamed man running out from a collapsing house._

_Eddie Kaspbrak doesn't seem to be in good shape. There are many people speculations that he might be in a coma or even dead! Everyone is just waiting for confirmation on this subject. Many fans are saddened and are praying for Eddie Kaspbrak._

_Many fans have also speculated that Eddie Kaspbrak might be in some type of romantic relationship with Richie Tozier. They were spotted yesterday talking while wearing matching dog tags and were both sporting hickeys on their necks! Tozier was spotted holding what many fans are assuming to be Eddie Kaspbrak's dead body while breaking down (pictured above). No one can know for sure what has happened to them, but we are hoping that one will speak out on this matter._

Richie shook his head and went back to twitter. He scrolled through his mentions and many people were asking about Eddie, Beverly and Bill. He pressed the 'add tweet' button in the corner of his screen and began typing.

_thank you everyone for your kind words and prayers. i can't say anything right now, but i promise i will update you all soon. _

He pressed 'send' and quickly opened settings. He turned his twitter notifications off and put his phone down.

"We're making headlines," Richie told his friends.

After sitting in the stuffy waiting room for what felt like years, a doctor came out. When he walked in their direction, Richie immediately stood and basically ran over.

"Is Eddie okay?"  
"He's unresponsive, but in a stable condition. You can see him. Only two visitors though. He's just this way."

The doctor led Richie and Bill past a bunch of rooms with multiple bays. He stopped outside one and buzzed Richie and Bill in. There were three other people in the same room, but were concealed by blue curtains. The pair pulled back the curtain where Eddie was. They were both taken aback on what they saw. Eddie no longer had dirt or blood on him, but he was hooked up to all sorts of machines. There were tubes coming out of his nose and he had what Richie assumed to be a feeding tube down his throat. The machines beeped filling the still air with unwanted tension.

Richie slowly walked over and sat next to Eddie. Bill sat on the other side. They both held a hand each. Richie noticed Eddie's dog tag sitting on a table nearby. It was slightly bent from the force of It's talon. He turned his attention back to the boy and squeezed his hand.

"Hey, Eddie. We did it. We finally beat It," Richie smiled weakly.

Eddie didn't respond. The two boys were just met with heavy breathing and beeping machines.

"I don't know if you can hear me, but you're safe now."  
"Yeah, Eddie, Y-you're okay. Th-things are gonna b-be okay."

Richie looked down and noticed a scar on the back of Eddie's hand. He softly ran his finger along it.

"Bill, look."

Bill stood and looked over.

"What i-is that?"  
"I dunno. Some type of scar. I have no idea what it's from."

* * *

It had been two weeks and Eddie still was unresponsive. Richie had visited everyday and sometimes even fallen asleep and spent the night. He was meant to be on tour, but he couldn't bring himself to leave Eddie alone.

"Morning, Eds," he smiled, walking in.

He immediately noticed the tube down his throat was no longer there. Richie sat down next to him and grabbed his hand.

"Ben and Bev are together now, they're already talking about getting a dog. I think Mike and Bill are fuckin," he chuckled slightly, "they've been acting really weird."

Tears stung the back of Richie's eyes as he looked at Eddie laying silently. It hurt to see him like this. His heart ached every time he came in. He just wanted to be able to hold Eddie again.

"If you can hear me...squeeze my hand."

Eddie didn't move.

"Eddie, Eds," he cried out, "please...squeeze my hand."

Richie restes his head on the corner of the mattress and let a few shaky sobs fall from his lips. His heart shattered. He was about to pull his hand away and get some air when Eddie's fingers slowly curled around Richie's hand.

"Eddie," he lifted his head to see Eddie's eyes slowly flicking open.

Eddie looked over at Richie and smiled softly. Richie pressed the doctor button as one of the doctors had told him to do if Eddie woke.

"R...Rich," Eddie smiled, "you're here."  
"Yeah, yeah I'm here," he wiped some tears.  
"How long was I out?"  
"Two weeks...your manager came by. I told him what happened and he didn't believe me...how much do you remember?"  
"I remember you going to help fight, then I was outside in your arms and then I was here...you carried me out..."  
"Yeah, I thought you were dead...I couldn't leave you."  
"Does the media think I'm dead yet?"  
"The paparazzi were there when we ran out the house. All your fans think you're gone. I didn't say anything about it because I had no idea if you were gonna make it. The doctors couldn't tell me anything."

A nurse pulled back the curtain. She looked very familiar.

"I'm Nurse Allen," she smiled, "nice to see you awake, Eddie."

Nurse Allen looked over to Richie and raised her eyebrow.

"Have you two been in here before?"  
"When Eds was younger," Richie recalled, "you told me you weren't looking and let me kiss his forehead."  
"Don't call me that, Richie, " Eddie croaked.  
"Well I'm sorry to shoo you out again, Richie, but we need to run some tests."  
"That's okay."

Richie stood up and kissed Eddie's forehead.

"I'll come back tomorrow, okay?"  
"Okay," "Bye, Eds."  
"Bye, Rich."

Richie let his hand slip from Eddie's and he disappeared behind the curtain. Eddie looked over at the nurse and she smiled.

"So, Richie huh?"  
"Yeah. I don't know why it's him, but it always has been."


	19. Chapter 19

the songs mentioned later on are 'Peer Pressure' by James Bay feat Julia Micheals and 'Like Strangers Do' by AJ Mitchell.

TW: Body issues (A/N): This chapter has a few time jumps, but next chapter will be the last one.

* * *

The road to recovery had been long. Eddie had been told that he'd never be able to return to the profession he loved so much as the injuries to his spine would be long lasting. He was absolutely devastated, but when he told his manager and the coach of of team, they let him become assistant coach. It turned out both him and Richie lived in New York and they moved in together almost instantly.

Richie wrote a song inspired by his and Eddie's night together named 'Peer Pressure' which he recorded with Julia Michaels. It was an instant hit and spent a week on the top of the charts. Since he cancelled his tour while Eddie was in the hospital, he was going on a make up tour where all the original tickets were accepted as well as the new ones.

Neither of them told the media the full story of what happened to Eddie and none of the other losers did either and Eddie was grateful for it.

"How about we get a dog," Richie said while lounging on the bed he shared with Eddie, "I mean, it's been a while and I really want one of the little fuckers."  
"Maybe when you get back from tour. We can't get a dog and then you just leave."

Eddie was getting some pyjamas out of the drawers in the far corner.

"Could you please look away," Eddie blushed as he reached for the hem of his shirt.

Without even saying anything Richie rolled over and faced the other way. Richie hadn't seen Eddie shirtless since his stay in the hospital. He wondered if he was self conscious about the scar from It because he was definitely okay with his body a few months ago.

"Okay, you can look now."

Richie rolled back over and Eddie walked over to the bed. Richie sat up and Eddie sat next to him.

"You know I would never judge you, Eds. Especially for the way you look."  
"I know...it's just the scar it's still not fully healed and even I hate looking at it."

Richie softly grabbed Eddie's hand and kissed the scar on the back of his hand.

"I'm not going to pressure you into showing me, just know that I love all of you. Scars and all."

Eddie rested his head on Richie's shoulder.

"Thank you, Rich. It means a lot."

* * *

"When do you leave for tour?" Eddie asked.  
"Wednesday, next week. You could come with me, ya know."  
"I could. Training doesn't start for another two months."  
"Cmon," Richie hopped off the bed and walked over to him, "I could introduce you publicly as my boyfriend."

Richie put his hands on Eddie's shoulders and kissed the tip of Eddie's nose. The boy smiled up at him and placed his hands on his chest,

"Okay."  
"Fuck yeah! One whole month travelling with the cutest person in existence!"  
"Calm down there, Romeo."  
"Oh! Before I forget, I found a song that I wrote when you left when we were younger, be right back!"

Before Eddie could even say anything, Richie had ran out the room. A few minutes later he came back up with his guitar.

"Okay, sit."

Eddie sat down and leant back against the headboard of their bed. Richie sat on the edge and held the guitar in his lap. He played a few chords and then began singing.

_"I miss the taste of your lips on Sunday and the sound of your laugh when I said something funny, but nobody heard it except for you."_

Eddie looked at Richie in awe as he sung. His voice sounded even better without all the auto tune and Eddie loved it. He loved listening to him sing. When Richie cooked, cleaned or did the laundry he'd always hum or sing and Eddie just couldn't get enough.

_"And my mom still asks about you, I lie and say we're friendly 'cause I don't have it in me to tell the truth."_

Everything in the room faded out and Eddie was solely focused on Richie and his angelic voice.

_"You and me, what are we if we're not together...we could be nothing 'cause nothing lasts forever. If you saw me on the train would you look the other way, like strangers do?"_

Richie looked over and noticed Eddie looking at him with the biggest heart eyes. He smiled to himself and turned back to his guitar.

_"And if you pass me on the street would you look down at your feet and move on through? Like strangers do. I miss the way you look when you overdress, the way that you looked when you undressed, the sound of your footsteps across the room."_

Eddie felt a wide smile grow across his face as he imagined Richie performing the song to a wide audience.

_"Now my friends don't ask about you 'cause they think I'm fine without you, I say it's all good, but it's never true. You and me, what are we if we're not together...we could be nothing 'cause nothing lasts forever. If you saw me on the train would you look the other way, like strangers do. And if you pass me on the street would you look down at your feet and move on through, like strangers do."_

He finished up the last few chords and looked over at Eddie.

"That's all I ever wrote."  
"It's beautiful, Rich."  
"Not as beautiful as you."  
"Oh shut up," Eddie playfully rolled his eyes, "did Maggie really ask about me?"  
"Yeah, sometime I thought she liked you more than me."

Richie put his guitar down by the side of the bed and Eddie got up and walked over to him. Eddie straddled Richie and kissed him softly. The trashmouth hugged him, but made sure to avoid where he imagined the scar to be. The kiss lasted for a few moments before taking his lips away and pressing them to Richie's neck.

Later night, the two were talking when Eddie mindlessly took his shirt off and reached for his pyjama shirt. When he turned back around he noticed Richie looking at the scar. He quickly covered his stomach with the shirt he was holding. Richie rolled off the bed and walked over.

"Rich..."  
"It's okay, I won't look again."  
"No...I...I want you to."

Eddie looked up at him with sad eyes and smiled softly. He stood up on his toes and joined their lips. Richie kissed back softly. Their lips moved rhythmically for a few seconds before Eddie tensed slightly and let the shirt fall. Richie pulled away, but still kept his eyes on Eddie's.

"Are you sure?"  
"Yeah," he said weakly.

Richie looked down and immediately spotted the scar he'd got a brief glimpse of a few moments earlier. It was long and went all the way from the middle of his chest down to the middle of this stomach. It still wasn't fully healed so it still had some colour and all the jagged ends. It took a bit to take it all in. Richie looked back up at Eddie.

"It's hideous," he was almost crying.  
"No, it's not," Richie's smile returned, "come sit down."

Richie grabbed his hand and walked him over to the bed, Eddie sat down and Richie knelt down in front of him. Richie looked back down at the scar.

"It's beautiful," Richie moved his right hand to touch the scar, but hesitated, "can I...?"

Eddie nodded softly. Richie placed his hand on the top of it and ran his fingers all the way down to the bottom of it. His touch on the rough and sensitive skin caused Eddie to gain goosebumps on his arms and torso. Richie separated Eddie's legs and situated himself between them. He leant forwards and pressed a kiss to the top of the scar. As he did this, he let his right hand snake to Eddie's back and softly run his fingers along the scar on the opposite side. He moved down lower and trailed kissed all the way down. When he looked up at Eddie, there were even more tears in his eyes.

"Does it hurt? I can stop if-"  
"No, Rich, I'm just so happy," a smile grew across his face, "you love me for me."  
"Of course I do," Richie smiled back, "nothing could stop me from loving you."

Eddie let out a soft laugh as a tear rolled down his cheek. Richie brought both his hands to cup Eddie's face. He wiped the tear and pulled Eddie down into a kiss. He stood and pushed Eddie back. Eddie pushed himself up further onto the bed before allowing himself to lay down, so his head was on the pillow. Richie crawled on top of him, before moving off him and top the side. Their lips parted as Richie laid down next to Eddie. Eddie rolled over to face Richie and smiled. Richie smiled back, took his glasses off and moved himself down to Eddie's chest.

Richie pressed his forehead and the bridge of his nose to the scar. He hugged Eddie's torso, entwined their legs and closed his eyes. Eddie hugged Richie back the best he could and also closed his eyes. Eddie fell asleep to the rhythm of Richie softly running his fingers along the scar on his back. Richie soon drifted off too while hugging Eddie's back.

* * *

Richie's tour was successful. Richie and Eddie were currently in Brooklyn. They had some free time before Richie's show, so the trashmouth took him out for the day while Eddie's pocket was weighing slightly more than usual.

They'd been walking around town holding hands and haven't had one homophobic slur thrown at them. Brooklyn was different to Derry...very different. Everyone seemed to be kinder and no one batted an eye when they noticed the two holding hands. Eddie had invited his publicist out with them for a very specific reason which Richie didn't know quite yet.

Eddie stopped in front of the Brooklyn bridge.

"Why are we stopping?"

Richie's publicist pulled out his phone and began taking photos. Eddie held Richie's hands softly and began talking.

"I have been in love with you for almost thirty years and nothing makes me happier knowing that you love me too. There is no one else I would want to spend the rest of my life with."

Richie covered his mouth and stepped back slightly as Eddie knelt on one knee. Eddie pulled a small box out of his pocket and opened the it to reveal an engagement ring with a reasonable sized diamond attached.

"Richie Tozier, will you marry me?"  
"Eddie," happy tears fell down his cheeks, "yes, a thousand times yes."

Eddie stood and pulled Richie into a kiss by his dog tag. Onlookers clapped and cheered for the couple. Eddie slipped the ring into Richies finger as they deepened the kiss. When their lips parted, they both cupped each other's faces and rested their foreheads together.

"I love you so much, Eds," Richie sobbed out.  
"I love you so much more, Rich."


	20. Chapter 20

"We're really getting married tomorrow, huh," Eddie smiled as he hugged Richie tighter under his arm.  
"Yeah. It's not like I've been dreaming of it since I was thirteen or anything."

They were both cuddled under the blankets. Richie's head was resting where Eddie's shoulder met his chest and Eddie was holding him tight. Their legs were intertwined and Richie was softly tracing his fingernails in circles on Eddie's chest. Eddie had become more comfortable with his shirt off around Richie as he slowly began to love his body again.

"Do you remember when we went back to mine after the sleepover at Mikes farm and we were having this deep conversation and I accidentally came out to you?" Richie grinned.  
"Yeah and then we ended up crying after our first kiss."  
"If I'm being honest, I still want to cry every time we kiss. I just can't believe you love me too."  
"Well, I do so you better start believing it."

Eddie kissed Richie's forehead as he felt Richie stop running his nails on his chest and he placed his hand on his cheek. Richie looked up and smiled. Eddie kissed the tip of Richie's nose, but the trashmouth decided that wasn't enough. He pushed himself up and connected their lips. They kissed for a few moments before Richie pulled away with tears in eyes.

"Why did you do that?"  
"What?"  
"Kiss me, you know I'm gonna cry."  
"You kissed me first?"  
"And you let me!"  
"You're a dork."  
"Uh huh, right. Says the man who wore booty shorts his entire childhood."  
"Don't even deny the fact you used to look at my ass."  
"Oh shut up."

* * *

The ceremony was beautiful. It was simple, but beautiful. They were outside in a botanic garden, but were in a small alcove surrounded by leaves. There was white lace attached to the middle of the makeshift ceiling which were tied off to the side of the leaves. All the trees were decorated with fairy lights and there were many rows of white chairs which were occupied by friends and relatives.

Eddie stood nervously at the alter. He fiddled with his cuff links and Mike, Bill and Ben stood near him. Ben had volunteered to officiate the ceremony, Bill was Eddie's best man and Mike was Richie's. Eddie watched the end of the aisle anxiously waiting for Richie to appear. When the music began playing, he stopped fiddling and tried to stand as still as he could.

Everyone stood as Richie appeared around the corner holding Beverly's arm and Eddie found himself at a shortage of breath. Eddie thought he looked absolutely gorgeous. His normal unruly curls sat on top of his head and bounced slightly as he walked. He wore a gorgeous black tuxedo with pale blue tie which matched Eddie's pale green tie. Beverly whispered something to Richie and he laughed slightly. Eddie managed to get himself to breathe again as Beverly unlinked her arm and Richie joined him at the alter. The pair softly held hands and Ben began talking.

"We are joined here today to celebrate the marriage between Richard Tozier and Edward Kaspbrak."  
"Really, our full names?" Richie and Eddie whispered at the same time.  
"Yes, really. I believe you have prepared your own vows."

Eddie took his hands away and pulled a neatly folded piece of paper out his pocket. He unfolded it and made eye contact with Richie. He smiled before glancing down and reading what he had wrote.

"Richie, I don't know what is was, maybe it was the way you'd tease me or the way you'd hold me when I was falling apart or maybe it was even the way you'd smile when you were passionate about something, but there was definitely something about you that made me fall hard. I love you so much and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you."  
"Aw, Eds, I'm blushing," Richie goofily smiled.

Eddie rolled his eyes and put the paper back in his pocket. Richie pulled a messily folded piece of paper out of his pocket. He slowly unfolded it and smiled at Eddie. He winked before looking down at the paper.

"This wasn't planned I swear, but, Eddie. I don't know what it was, maybe it was the way you'd always manage to come back with a better insult or the way you are always smiling no matter what or maybe it was even how you say one thousand words per minute when you get excited, but I fell for you when we were thirteen and I haven't ever gotten back up. I love you so much and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you."

Richie folded up the piece of paper and shoved it back in his pocket. Beverly came over holding a pillow with two golden wedding bands on it. The words _'i wanna dance with somebody'_ were engraved in the gold. Richie picked one ring up.

"Eddie, do you take Richie Tozier to be your lawfully wedded husband?"  
"I do," Eddie smiled as Richie slipped the ring on his finger.

Eddie picked up the other ring and Beverly walked back to where she was standing.

"Richie, do you take Eddie Kaspbrak to be your lawfully wedded husband?"  
"I do," he beamed as Eddie slipped the ring on his finger.  
"I now pronounce you Mr and Mr Kaspbrak. You may kiss the groom."

Eddie cupped Richie's face and pulled him into a kiss. Richie rested his hands on Eddie's chest and kissed him back. Everyone stood, clapped and cheered. Beverly wiped a few tears and felt kind of like a proud mom. Their photographer who'd been taking photos throughout the entire ceremony clicked the camera and smiled when he was satisfied with the shot he got. When they pulled away, they were both crying.

Richie grabbed Eddie's hand and they turned to walk back down the aisle. Everyone cheered louder as they walked down and 'I Wanna Dance With Somebody' by Whitney Houston played. They both had wide smiles and happy tears rolling down their cheeks.

* * *

Richie and Eddie were sitting at a table with Beverly, Mike, Ben and Bill. They were holding hands on top of the table. Everyone in the room had finished their meal. Richie and Eddie whispered something and then got up and walked away. The four losers looked at each other and shrugged. They walked over to Richie's publicist, Mark, who volunteered to work the sound system.

"You guys ready for your first dance?"  
"I don't know how to dance, but I guess," Richie smiled.  
"The song we discussed, yeah?" Mark asked.  
"Yep," Eddie put emphasis on the 'P'.  
"Alright."

The pair walked away and Mark picked up a microphone and switched it on.

"Alright, alright. I hope everyone is finished eating as the grooms are about to have their first dance! So if you will all turn your attention towards the dance floor that would be greatly appreciated."

Eddie and Richie both blushed. An acoustic version of 'I Wanna Dance With Somebody' by Tyler Ward began playing. Eddie held out his hand and Richie took it. Eddie walked him over to the middle of the dance floor. Eddie loosely hung his arms around Richie's shoulders and Richie placed his hands on Eddie's hips.

_Oh, I wanna dance with somebody._  
_I wanna feel the heat with somebody._  
_Yeah, I wanna dance with somebody._  
_With somebody who loves me._

_Oh, I wanna dance with somebody._  
_I wanna feel the heat with somebody._  
_Yeah, I wanna dance with somebody._  
_With somebody who loves me._

They swayed in time with the music and gazed into each other's eyes. Eddie felt himself getting lost in Richie's chestnut eyes and he smiled lovingly at him. Beverly cried as she watched her best friends smile contently.

_Clock strike upon the hour and the sun begins to fade._  
_Still enough time to figure how to chase my blues away._  
_I've done alright up til now, it's the light of day that shows me how._  
_And when the night falls, the loneliness calls._

Eddie rested his head on Richie's chest and Richie hoped that he couldn't hear his heart racing. He closed his eyes and let Richie lead.

_Oh I wanna dance with somebody._  
_I wanna feel the heat with somebody._  
_Yeah, I wanna dance with somebody._  
_With somebody who loves me._

_Oh I wanna dance with somebody._  
_I wanna feel the heat with somebody._  
_Yeah, I wanna dance with somebody._  
_With somebody who loves me._

Richie moved his hands from Eddie's wait time wrap around his back. He rested his head on top of Eddie's and smiled and he felt Eddie's smile grow.

_I've been in love and lost my senses._  
_Spinning through the town._  
_Sooner or later the fever ends and I wind up feeling down._  
_I need someone who will take a chance on a love that burns hot enough to last._  
_And when the night falls, my lonely heart calls._

Eddie put one hand in Richie's curls and softly ran his nails along his scalp. Richie kissed the top of Eddie's head.

_Oh, I wanna dance with somebody._  
_I wanna feel the heat with somebody._  
_Yeah, I wanna dance with somebody._  
_With somebody who loves me._

_Oh I wanna dance with somebody._  
_I wanna feel the heat._  
_With somebody._  
_With somebody who loves me._

_Somebody who._  
_Somebody who._  
_Somebody who loves me._  
_Somebody who loves me._

The song ended. The two pulled away, but only slightly so they were still in each other's arms. Eddie stood on his toes and kissed Richie softly.

"We made it," Richie whispered.  
"Yeah, we made it."

* * *

(A/N): That's it for why you! Thank you so much for all the support on this book, I appreciate each and every one of you! If you have any questions, feel free to ask!


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